


Safe

by epithalamium



Series: Between me and you [3]
Category: Zero Escape (Video Games)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canon Continuation, Domestic, Light Angst, M/M, References to Depression, Safe End
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-29
Updated: 2020-03-24
Packaged: 2020-09-28 23:53:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20434574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/epithalamium/pseuds/epithalamium
Summary: ‘If you fail, then the timeline where June exists collapses.’‘But you said.’ Junpei waved a hand, at a loss for words. ‘The many-worlds interpretation?’‘Oh, she’s alive. Just not here.’ Aoi shrugged. ‘Not for us.’





	1. 四

**Author's Note:**

> This is a Safe End fic yes. I feel everyone who ships AoiPei will write or has written a Safe End fic. It's pretty much our 'coming of age' story lol! (I love them though.)
> 
> I tried to write down my thoughts on the Quantum Physics thing [here](https://eatingfireflies.tumblr.com/post/175496096174/this-post-made-me-think-about-junpei-and-akanes), so if you ... want a version that hasn't been AoiPei-fied with interruptions and boys getting angry, you can check that out. 
> 
> Many thanks to [Vivs](https://archiveofourown.org/users/morphogenesis), [Jinger](https://archiveofourown.org/users/electric016), and [Wren](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lesbianscientist/pseuds/lesbianscientist) for the beta, Japan-pick, sounding board, and general encouragement. Please read their fics. :"D Any mistakes left are my own.

‘The one who lost,’ said Zero, ‘is me.’

*

Junpei opened his eyes and immediately wished he hadn't. Sunlight poured in from the window like spears straight through his skull and his head felt like it had only a passing acquaintance with the rest of his body--how much had he drunk last night? He groaned, covered his face with his hands, and tried to take stock of his life choices through the haze of sunshine and pain.

He remembered doing the inventory at work; he'd put in an order for a couple mystery novels that had sold faster than he'd expected. He must have gone home at some point, but the rest of his memories remained just out of reach, as if someone had wrapped them up in thick plastic: he could see shapes and colours, but nothing specific.

'Fuck that.' He was going to deal with it after breakfast. He turned to his side, his leg hitting something warm and solid, and Junpei forgot about the sun and the headache as he opened his eyes again and

Santa was sprawled on the bed right next to him.

Junpei sat up, vision darkening from the sudden movement, and he held out a hand against the wall to steady himself.

Memories of the Nonary Game came flooding back like seawater rushing into Junpei's third class cabin. Events that seemed too fantastic to be real and Junpei might have been able convince himself it had all been a bad dream except there was Santa, warm and real beside him, eyelashes fluttering as he told Junpei to go fuck himself.

And what the fuck was Santa doing in Junpei’s flat?

He was sleeping, obviously. But Junpei didn't see why Santa couldn’t do that in his own place. Surely he _had_ a home? Junpei realised he didn’t know much about the guy. Santa had been the first to volunteer information on how he’d been kidnapped by Zero, but he never said where he’d been or what he’d been doing beforehand. To be fair, none of them had been particularly happy sharing information about themselves. Being trapped in a sinking ship with eight virtual strangers didn’t exactly inspire heartwarming moments of holding hands and heart-to-heart talks.

Except Santa had mentioned a sister. He’d said she--

Junpei grabbed Santa by the shoulders, pulling him into a sitting position, and started shaking him awake.

‘You left her. I went back to the chapel and you weren’t fucking there. You said you’d keep an eye on her.’ Junpei tried to swallow, choked on his own spit, and shouted through a fit of coughing, ‘Where the fuck were you?’

‘Get your fucking hands off me,’ said Santa, trying to push Junpei off. Had he been fully awake it might have worked; he didn’t look it but Santa was pretty strong. As it were, and if he felt anything like Junpei did--who felt as if someone had sucked out his insides with a straw--Santa’s attempt at pushing Junpei away was mostly bark and no bite.

Junpei let Santa go anyway, eyeing him warily even though Santa was already turning away from him, squinting at the window as if the full-frontal assault of sunlight was better than having to look at Junpei’s ugly mug.

There was something about Santa’s eyes, the way they looked too red around the edges.

Without thinking, Junpei reached out for Santa again, but he’d already lied back down the bed with his back to Junpei. He let his hand fall back, glad that Santa hadn’t seen the movement.

‘Santa?’

‘I’m hungry.’ Santa’s voice was so soft Junpei had to lean closer in order to hear him. ‘Get something delivered.’

‘What?’

‘I’m paying.’ He pulled out a wallet from one of the numerous pockets of his trousers and tossed it on the floor.

Junpei checked his own pockets to see that his own wallet and keys were back where they had been before he got nabbed. Well, wasn’t that nice of Zero. ‘What do you want?’

Santa laughed, and it sounded nothing like him; a sad broken little laugh that made Junpei regret having said anything. He thought about what Santa had told him back in the boiler room, a bit of Santa’s past that Junpei didn’t really want to know about, and wondered if there was more to it. If Santa would tell him now.

‘Anything,’ said Santa. ‘Everything. Whatfuckingever.’

‘Dude, are you okay?’

‘Can’t you take a fucking hint, man?’ Santa moved so he could look at Junpei over his shoulder. ‘Just get the fuck out.’

‘It’s my fucking flat,’ Junpei pointed out. Why did the guy have to make it so damned hard to sympathise with him?

‘I know,’ said Santa. ‘Leave me the fuck alone.’

Junpei took a deep breath. He was on the side of the bed that was against the wall, so he had to either slither out from the foot of the bed or step over Santa to get out.

‘When I get back,’ said Junpei, deciding it was probably safest to keep as far away from the guy as possible. ‘You’ll talk.’

*

There was a McDonald’s right near his apartment building and Junpei decided to go there instead of having food delivered to his place. It was better than hanging around the flat with a moody stranger.

That said, he did grab Santa’s wallet before shuffling off to look for his shoes. The guy had offered to pay for the food and Junpei had no idea how long it had been since they got kidnapped. A couple days were fine but more than that without contacting his manager wasn’t going to do any favours for Junpei’s career at K bookstore, or his financial security. He’d take a free meal when he could get it.

He found his trainers in the genkan next to Santa’s boots. Junpei was still wearing the same clothes as when he’d been grabbed by Zero, but someone had been kind enough to take his shoes off before dumping him in bed. He also felt grotty as hell but a shower could wait until he’d eaten something. Perhaps Santa would be gone by the time Junpei got back--not likely since Junpei had his wallet, but a man can dream.

A light snow had fallen during the night; thin film of ice slowly melting under the harshness of the morning sun. Junpei had no idea if it was an after-effect of the white smoke Zero had used to put him back to sleep, or maybe the nine odd hours he’d spent inside the strangely claustrophobic interior of the sinking ship, but everything looked too bright.

His head started pounding and he had to lean against a post box while his stomach tried to decide whether he needed to throw up or not.

There was a sizeable number of people out on the streets aside from him; a couple of foreigners with large backpacks, housewives out shopping (some of them gave Junpei an alarmed glance before hurrying away), and a group of university students who looked like they’d been drinking all night.

Junpei fit right in with the last group; they all looked grotty and on the verge of throwing up as well.

The nausea passed after what felt like an hour, although it was probably no more than a couple minutes. Junpei finally let go of his new lover, the post box, and headed for McDonald’s, taking Santa’s wallet out of his pocket and checking inside.

The guy had a couple thousand yen; Junpei decided they could both have Quarter Pounders with that. There was nothing else aside from the cash; no IDs, cards, photos, receipts. Nothing whatsoever to clue Junpei in on who Santa actually was.

It felt weird rifling through a stranger’s wallet, but Santa _had_ given it to him. The lack of personal stuff was a bit disappointing, so Junpei took note of the actual wallet instead; it was fairly new and made of black leather (or some imitation material, Junpei had never learned to distinguish between the two). There was some design embossed on the front, which was repeated in the fabric of the lining inside. It looked way expensive, suggesting Santa wasn’t strapped for funds.

But that was all Junpei could infer from the thing. He sighed and put it back in his vest pocket. He reckoned he could just ask Santa when he got back to the flat. Having something else to focus on was good.

Don’t think.

Don’t think of that.

Some of the shops were already advertising Christmas sales; fairy lights strewn across shop windows and boutique signs promising the perfect present for your significant other. Junpei closed his eyes for a moment. His headache was back with a vengeance and he wondered what the hell made him leave his flat when he was likely on the verge of dying.

‘He sees you when you’re sleeping. He knows when you’re awake.’

His eyes snapped open. The English song was playing from inside one of the shops, some high-end place that sold bags and purses. Junpei stopped, narrowly missing a collision with a middle-aged woman who frowned at him as she passed.

‘He knows if you’ve been bad or good, so be good, for goodness’ sake!’

He wasn’t completely familiar with the English lyrics and had never paid close attention to the song before. But he had enough grasp of the language to understand, now that he was actually listening to what was being sung.

‘You better watch out. You better not cry.’

Junpei thought of Santa and his pale haunted eyes, all curled up back in Junpei’s flat.

‘Better not pout I’m telling you why.’

He started to laugh.

*

He took his time getting back home, thinking of what to say to Santa. The fries might have gone soggy, but that was the least of his worries.

He found Santa still curled up on the bed. Junpei placed the large cups of Coke on the floor and sat down next to him.

‘Oi.’ He took out a Quarter Pounder from the paperbag and flattened the burger between his palms before taking a bite. ‘Santa.’

Santa replied with a grunt. Junpei reckoned he wasn’t a morning person and wondered if that was to his advantage or not.

‘You mind telling me your real name?’ said Junpei, through a mouthful of burger. ‘I mean, you already know mine.’

He paused, swallowed, and reached out for one of the Cokes. When Santa said nothing, Junpei went on, ‘You already know everything about me,’ he said, ‘don’t you, Zero?’

Santa finally moved, facing Junpei and resting his weight on one elbow.

‘Is that what you think?’

‘Am I wrong?’

Santa laughed, sounding more like his arrogant little self. Junpei took a sip of Coke, but did not break eye contact with him.

'No,' said Santa. 'I do know everything about you.' Junpei took a deep breath, but Santa was still talking, 'But I'm not Zero.'

'Yeah?' said Junpei. He pretended not to care as Santa watched him make short work of his burger. Few people would feel comfortable having others look on as they ate, but Junpei wasn’t going to let Santa have the upper hand in this situation.

'You've already played this game with Ace, dude,' said Santa, as Junpei started licking ketchup from his fingers. 'What makes you think I'll bite?'

'What have you to lose?' Junpei shrugged. 'If you're not Zero, then you've got nothing to worry about. To be honest, I've got nothing to pin on you even if you _were_ Zero, so you don't have to worry about that, either.'

'Oh, I don't know. How about abduction?'

'Abduction.' Junpei let out a rush of breath from his nose. 'Grabbed by a man wearing a gas mask, stashed in a replica of the Titanic--Gigantic, whatever--and forced to play a stupid fucking game of Seek the Way Out? How do you think that would wash with the authorities? The police would kick me out before I could finish talking. Forget it. I've got no proof. I don't even have the damned bracelet any more.'

'You're one cynical son of a bitch, aren't you?' said Santa, sitting up. 'Hand that bag over. Did you get me a Quarter Pounder?'

'And fries,' said Junpei, doing as Santa asked. 'I'm being realistic, is all.'

'Whatever,' said Santa. 'Win-win situation, I get it. So. What makes you think I'm Zero?'

Junpei watched in idle fascination as Santa tore bite-sized pieces from his burger before popping them into his mouth. He'd never seen anyone eat a burger like that before. There was something almost scary about it; quick precise movement that made Junpei think of birds. Junpei wasn't very fond of birds. 

‘Back at the hospital ward, before--’ Junpei took a deep breath, ‘before Snake vanished, the REDs weren’t working properly. You said Zero sucked at maintenance didn’t you? Lotus disagreed and she was right; the delay gave Ace the opportunity to get rid of the man he thought was Snake. Zero wouldn’t have overlooked a detail like that. It was a trap. Or a gamble. And it worked.’

Santa gave a dramatic yawn, barely making an effort to cover his mouth. ‘So? Are we going to sing praises to Zero now?’

‘Zero doesn’t make mistakes.’ Junpei thought back to that strange final conversation; the flat staticky voice telling him that the game was over and they had lost. Because Junpei had made the wrong choices. He had no idea what Zero’s plans were to begin with, let alone how his personal decisions could affect them, but he decided to take that information at face value for the moment. ‘Well, okay. Zero _seldom_ makes mistakes. All their actions so far had been deliberate.’

‘When do we get to the part where you prove I’m Zero again?’ said Santa, between dainty sips of his Coke. ‘You can wake me up when you get to the good bits.’

Junpei took a deep breath. ‘What are you doing here, Santa?’

‘What do you think?’ Santa smiled. ‘Maybe I just wanted to get in bed with you. You never thought that?’

‘Oh fuck off.’ Junpei hoped the man was joking. There was no way he was going to sleep with a guy with such freakish eating habits. ‘The way I see it, you’re here because Zero brought you here. But how did that come about? I’ve searched the whole ship for you and--’ he swallowed, ‘for you. The only place you could have been was the chapel and you weren’t there.’

‘Just because you couldn’t find me doesn’t mean shit, dude.’ Santa reached out for his fries and made a face when he saw how limp they were. ‘I could’ve gone out to take a piss. What of it?’

‘Fine,’ said Junpei. ‘But that still doesn’t explain why you’re here in my flat. What, Zero lost interest halfway through and just dumped people wherever?’

‘Zero must’ve thought you needed to get laid.’ Santa held out a hand before Junpei could reply. ‘Okay then. Why do you think I’m here?’

‘I’ve no idea.’ Junpei realised he was very, very tired. He wished Santa would leave, wished his head would stop pounding, wished this conversation hadn’t happened at all. But he knew the alternative to that; waking up alone, trapped in his own thoughts and memories. ‘That’s why I asked.’

Santa munched on his fries and looked disinterestedly at the pile of dirty clothes Junpei had left on the floor.

‘Did you--’ Junpei bit his lower lip. And then, ‘Do you need someone to talk to?’

‘Maybe. Or maybe you’re projecting your own needs against mine.’ Their eyes met briefly, Santa breaking the contact first. ‘You’re asking the wrong question, Junpei.’ 

*

There were no words, no voices inside his head; none of the psychic bullshit Junpei had been expecting. It was more of a sudden realisation, an epiphany: the idea complete and unassailable, planted in his consciousness in a happy disregard of logic and train of thought.

There was no ‘reaching’ or ‘arriving’ at a conclusion. It was there before Junpei could even think to look.

**[SANTA]**

*

'Who the fuck are you, dude?'

Santa smirked at him, nodding as if to say, ‘finally’.

'The name's Kurashiki Aoi. Nice to meet you, Junpei.'

No.

*

Through the morphic fieldset, she was watching. The real Zero. A null-ness, non-entity; her continued existence a paradox of time and reality. But there she was, trapped in a series of decisions, actions and consequences, desperately seeking a way out.

She wanted to live.

But why pursue this particular reality? Events branching out of her reach; herself only a footnote, a name neither of the men sitting on the bed dared speak. And because of that, she was the most tangible presence in the room, surrounded by the photocopies that her brother and her old friend had become.

The Game that was held to save her life, to plant her existence firmly in reality, was also a matter of revenge. And for the other Players, she hoped, a path to closure. Complicated, perhaps. But she'd had nine years to wait, to plan, to think.

Hongou Gentarou was dead and so many with him. Her revenge was complete, even if it came at a heavy price. And Junpei--

Junpei, who was left with more questions than answers, left only with memories of the past and hopes for a future that would never be, was one of the few left to carry the burden of that price.

Junpei and Aoi. The two people she held most dear to her heart. They were alive. Broken, maybe. But safe.

Perhaps, no matter how painful, this was how it should end.

*

'Kurashiki?' said Junpei, sharp syllables like knives in his throat.

'Last I checked, yeah,' said Santa, scratching the back of his ear. He grinned. 'Surprise.'

'You're?'

'Her brother.' There was something different about Santa's attitude, subtle enough that Junpei couldn't point out exactly what had changed but perfectly obvious anyway. Like a word at the tip of one's tongue. 

He couldn’t help it: he inched away from Santa. Maybe it was pride, or some remnant of trust that kept him from jumping out of bed and running out of his flat. At the very least he needed to find out what had happened to her. He owed her that. ‘Where--what about her?’

Santa shrugged. 'What do you think?' 

'You said,' Junpei took another deep breath, 'you said she died. When she was young.'

Santa could have been talking about a different sister. But unlikely as the alternative was, Junpei couldn't quite bring himself to believe that. The same person then. That pushed the circumstances surrounding the Nonary Game from 'completely fucked up' to the realms of science fiction, but surely the possibility existed?

'She did.'

'Then who the fuck was that on the ship with us?'

'That was her that didn't die, of course.'

'What the fuck are you talking about?' Junpei was aware he was almost shouting, voice that would surely carry through the thin walls of his flat and disturb the neighbours. They'd probably complain to the landlord, but Junpei would worry about that later. 'Either she's dead or she isn't. What sort of half-assed mystical bullshit is this?'

'Not mystical,' said Santa--_Aoi_, Junpei should probably start calling him that, no matter how he couldn't quite wrap his head around the idea. 'You know about Quantum Physics, don't you? People have loads of different views and interpretations of it, but you've got two popular ones. The Copenhagen and the many-worlds interpretations. Still following?'

'Just about.’ A lecture on Quantum Physics wasn’t exactly the sort of thing Junpei expected from someone like Aoi. This morning was turning out to be filled with surprises.

'Right now you're sitting on this bed,' Aoi went on, unaware of or ignoring Junpei's bemusement. 'This reality is true because I'm looking at you right this moment. That's the Copenhagen interpretation. To put it simply, I can see you. Therefore, you're not still at McDonald's. You're not stuck in that fucking ship. You're not lying dead in the lower decks somewhere. You're here.'

'You mean,' said Junpei, 'you can see me right here, right now, and that means I'm not anywhere else. Isn't that just common sense?'

'No. If I wasn't here observing you, you could've been anywhere. The idea of the Copenhagen interpretation is that all those possibilities are true until someone actually comes to observe what's going on and making all the other realities collapse.'

'Like Schrödinger's cat.'

'Yeah.' Aoi gave Junpei a smile that would have been encouraging on someone else's face. 'I told you my sister died. I've seen it happen. I've touched what was left of her with my own hands.' Aoi's voice didn't change, and he sounded almost uninterested when he added, 'She was twelve.'

'But June--' said Junpei. 'She was real. I saw her, heard her, and touched her. She's as real as the both of us.'

'Yeah. My sister's death was real, but June was real too. You mentioned Schrödinger’s cat earlier. You know that was a thought experiment that points out how silly the Copenhagen interpretation is, right? A cat is both alive and dead, what the fuck is that?’

‘You tell me,’ said Junpei. ‘You're the one who brought it up.’

‘Well fuck the Copenhagen interpretation. It's not gonna serve our purpose right now. Let's get down to the other one.'

'The many-worlds interpretation,' said Junpei. 'You're saying that June is from another reality? A reality where she didn't die?'

'No.' Aoi sighed. 'Yes. Maybe. Let's say there's a little girl. She’s an esper.’

Junpei couldn’t keep from laughing. He was still holding his empty cup of Coke, stirring the melting ice cubes inside with his straw as he listened to what Aoi was saying. Right now he felt a deep emotional bond with his damned paper cup.

‘Come now. Really?’

‘You think I’m lying?’ To be fair to Aoi, nothing about him looked like he was going to point at a hidden camera and tell Junpei he was going to feature in a variety program any time soon. In fact, he looked dead serious. And sad. ‘All right; let’s say the time you spent in Building Q is in a state of flux--’

‘Building Q?’ Junpei knew he shouldn’t interrupt, but why was it that everyone involved in the Nonary Game seemed unable to tell a story that followed a natural progression?

‘The ship. We weren’t actually in a sinking ship, didn’t you notice?’ said Aoi. ‘That’s not important ri--’

‘Not important?’ Junpei was shouting again. Someone next door had started banging against the wall and he lowered his voice a notch when he continued, ‘That’s pretty fucking important, don’t you think?’

‘Do you want me to explain or not?’

He still had a thousand questions and he had never felt more like punching someone in the face, but Junpei shut up and nodded for Aoi to continue.

‘It’s the same as the moment before you open the box to see if the cat’s alive or not. In that timeframe, she’s both alive and dead. June is from the timeline where _you_ managed to help her.’ Aoi paused, as if waiting for Junpei to say something.

But what could Junpei say to that? He had failed, obviously. Zero had already told him that. But that meant--

‘If you fail, then the timeline where June exists collapses.’

‘But you said.’ Junpei waved a hand, at a loss for words. ‘The many-worlds interpretation?’

‘Oh, she’s alive. Just not here.’ Aoi shrugged. ‘Not for us.’

*

Caught within the state of flux her brother had described, she was as the divine weaver Amaterasu. The flow of time and its many branches of decisions were to her like a piece of cloth, the warp and weft of which she could trace and--bound as she was by the limitations of physics and the natural order of things--manipulate as she saw fit. In that space between Alive and Dead, she wove the events surrounding her personal cosmos.

In another history, Junpei had reached the incinerator before more people got killed, helping Akane from the past to save herself. In that history she was alive and driving away from Building Q with Aoi.

But this one: the one in which the threads that bound her to the cloth had been cut off, leaving a sliver of space between her brother and her friend. This one she kept.

She watched. And wondered if they could find happiness.

*


	2. (ﾕｳ)零

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to the usual suspects: Jinger, Wren, and Vivs for beta, Japan-pick, and general support. Any remaining mistakes are my own. 
> 
> I actually have _almost_ all the chapters written out, but I'm having a hard time wrapping up the final chapter and I foolishly decided now is a good time to quit smoking, so there goes my concentration. ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

Junpei was an only child; he wasn’t used to sharing personal space with other people, and it took him a while to adjust to having Aoi around. In fact, he’d started dropping unsubtle hints about the abandoned condition of Aoi’s house and job a week into the guy’s extended stay, but Aoi just wouldn’t budge. 

Instead, he made his own bed inside Junpei’s futon closet--displacing the growing pile of manga Junpei had stashed there--and ventured out from his hole only to do household chores and the proverbial otaku stuff. A couple weeks in, Junpei would have been surprised to come home after work and not find Aoi sprawled on his bed watching TV, playing with his Switch, or reading manga.

To his credit, Aoi was a great cook and kept a neat house. Junpei’s flat was cleaner than it had ever been since he’d moved in, and he’d stopped running out of clean clothes to wear (although the down vest he’d been wearing when he’d gotten kidnapped seemed to have mysteriously vanished). He was also saving up on lunch money since Aoi had taken to making a bento for him every morning. His friends were starting to think he’d found a girlfriend. 

He let them think that; it was easier than having to explain Aoi. 

He didn't even know where to begin explaining Aoi to himself. They'd established some sort of rapport after a month of living together, but Junpei wouldn't go so far as to say they were friends. Aoi wasn't quite a silent presence in Junpei's flat (in fact he was very vocal about his opinions on Junpei's taste in manga), but they never sought each other's company out and Aoi tended to crawl back into his futon closet when Junpei got home. 

They were at most roommates. Not that Aoi ever asked if he could stay and Junpei certainly never invited him. It was like getting adopted by a stray cat, albeit one that did household chores. 

But Junpei wasn't going to tell anyone he'd gotten himself a roommate. People who lived in one-room flats didn't look for roommates. Forget about the lack of space; Junpei was sure it was against his lease, and he wasn’t going to get kicked out of his flat because of Aoi. The man had caused enough trouble in Junpei's life. 

A month after the kidnapping found Junpei still scrambling to catch up with the schoolwork he’d missed when he'd been carted off to Nevada. Apparently he'd been gone for more than a week and some of his professors had been unimpressed with his consecutive unexcused absences. He was in his final year and his track record wasn’t bad, so he’d managed to talk his professors into assigning him extra projects instead of failing him. He was grateful for the consideration, but that only left him with double the amount of work from when he started. 

His part-time job hadn't been as understanding as his professors: the manager at K bookstore had given him the hairy eyeball when he'd last dropped by and had coldly informed him they'd already found a replacement. Junpei had expected as much and had snagged a late shift at Lawson after a couple days of looking, but he was going to miss the better hours and pay. 

Truth was, Junpei was exhausted. At first he'd considered it a good thing; tired meant he didn't have time to dwell on what had happened a month ago, the events in Building Q, the sound of her voice and how cold she’d felt in his arms. There was little space for nostalgia and soul searching when one was re-stocking the shelves at Lawson before the evening rush. But the days passed, and the problem with ripping memories and emotions out of one's mind was they left spaces that remained unfilled. 

‘You said we’d play MonHun tonight,’ said Aoi. The days were getting colder and he’d taken to staying under the kotatsu even when Junpei was around. The room was small enough that Junpei's cheap heater was doing a good job keeping them from freezing at night, but he couldn't imagine the futon closet being comfortable during winter. 

‘I have a report due tomorrow.’ He needed to buckle down and get it over with, but Junpei was nodding off in front of his laptop. They'd had katsu curry for dinner and it was warm under the kotatsu: it was an ideal time for a nap.

Aoi leaned over so he could take a peek at Junpei's laptop screen. ‘If I help you out, can we play MonHun?’ 

Junpei frowned. ‘What do you know about cash-flow analyses?’ 

‘Didn't I tell you?’ said Aoi, sliding close so he was sitting on Junpei's side of the kotatsu. ‘I'm a stock broker. I might not have a fancy degree from W University--’

‘I don't either,’ said Junpei. Not yet, he added to himself. The thought was kind of depressing. 

‘--but I know my way around finances.’ 

‘Can you go to my classes instead?’ 

Aoi laughed. ‘Like Duo Maxwell, you mean?’ His voice was soft, as if he was talking to himself. Considering that reference, Junpei wasn’t surprised: there weren't a lot of people their age who’d seen Gundam Wing and having to explain a joke sucked hairy balls. Fortunately for Aoi, Junpei had a great fondness for mecha anime. 

‘You mean when Heero went to school using Duo's name?’ said Junpei. 

‘Yes.’ Aoi's face lit up and he leaned closer to Junpei. ‘That shit's always bothered me. “You can go to school instead, I already enrolled under your name”.’ He lowered his voice in a passable imitation of Midorikawa Hikaru. ‘Like no one would notice they look nothing alike.’ 

'Could be a joke about how Duo was supposed to be the protagonist instead.'

'That doesn't mean they're interchangeable,' said Aoi. ‘How do you know all this? It showed on TV a whole decade before you were born.’ 

‘And you’re so much older than me.’ Junpei rolled his eyes. ‘You never looked under my bed?’ 

‘There wasn't any porn.’ 

Junpei got on all fours and slid towards his bed. He had two storage boxes underneath where he had packed his Gunpla--all in their original boxes--when he'd left home. His mum was cool, but he didn't think he could leave his PG models behind where she might accidentally break or throw them out. 

Aoi whistled. ‘Is this why you don't have a girlfriend?’ 

‘Cute that you think that's the only problem.’

Aoi was looking through the Gunpla boxes, pulling some of them out and examining the models inside. Junpei left him at it and went back to the warmth of the kotatsu, feeling like a proud parent as he watched Aoi admiring his collection. The guy was still an ass, but seeing Aoi so happy when most of what Junpei had seen of him so far was irritable or sad was a nice change of pace. 

Sometimes it was obvious Aoi and Akane were related: the way their smiles reached their eyes and the intensity of their excitement. Junpei shook his head. ‘So how do you know about Gundam? Is it a big thing in America?’ 

‘Don’t know about America,’ said Aoi, placing the Tallgeese III back in its box. It was a Premium Bandai release and Junpei appreciated the care Aoi showed in handling the model. Maybe he was actually a nice guy. ‘But we had so much fucking downtime in Building Q, a guy's gotta have hobbies you know?’ 

Aoi's smile was fading and Junpei tried to think of something else to talk about. ‘Did you make models when you were a kid?’ 

‘Couldn't afford it,’ said Aoi, pushing the storage boxes back under Junpei's bed. 

‘Oh.’ Junpei wished he could hide under the kotatsu. ‘Sorry.’ 

‘What for?’ Aoi laughed. ‘Right now I can have a house built in the shape of a damned Gundam if I wanted to.’ 

‘Don't forget me when you're living inside a Gundam's head.’ 

‘You can probably afford the same,’ said Aoi, sitting next to Junpei again, ‘if you nail those cash flow analyses.’ 

Junpei pushed his laptop towards Aoi and slumped on top of the kotatsu. ‘I thought you'd forgotten.’ 

‘We don't have time to play MonHun any more,’ said Aoi. ‘But this is a special service for getting my Gundam Wing reference.’ 

Junpei kneed Aoi's legs. ‘Don't say it like that.’ 

Aoi laughed, pushing the laptop back so that it was between him and Junpei. ‘You're still doing the work, lazyass. I'm just here to impart words of wisdom.’ 

Despite his pompous words, Aoi’s input and explanations were concise and easy to understand. He knew how to make things sound interesting and offered real life examples of finances at work; he was actually more helpful than most of Junpei's professors. Finishing the report took them well past midnight--Aoi’s finance anecdotes got long in the telling--but Junpei felt had a firmer grasp of the subject at the end of it. 

‘How did you learn all that?’ said Junpei, once they'd wrapped things up. Junpei was lying on his bed and watching Aoi fluff out his pillows before curling up under the kotatsu. ‘You didn't go to uni, did you?’ 

‘Zero was backed by an organisation with enough cash to bankroll the Nonary Game,’ said Aoi. ‘Wasn't that what you guys said?’

‘So that was all--?’

‘Me and Akane, yeah.’ 

Junpei closed his eyes. Neither of them had mentioned Akane since their return from Building Q. There were nights when he thought he heard Aoi crying out in his sleep, times when his voice trailed off in the middle of conversation and his usual sarcasm slipped into a quiet sadness. Aoi had spent most of his life with his sister and now he was alone: what could Junpei say to that? 

What was there to say when it was him who had failed during the critical moment? It wasn't Aoi, who had done his best to make sure the Nonary Game happened as planned and had sacrificed so much to get his sister back. And not Akane, who had the most at stake but whose anguished scream broke the stillness following the ninth man's death. 

But the disinterest in Aoi's voice suggested he didn't want to pursue the topic either, level tone that invited no further questions, muffled by Aoi pressing his face against his pillow. 

Junpei opened his mouth, thought the better of it, and turned to his side so he had his back to Aoi. 

‘I'm sorry,’ he said. 

He didn't think Aoi would reply and he was almost falling asleep when he heard Aoi speak again. 

‘Quits?’

Junpei grunted, and went to sleep.

*

Junpei looked at the electricity bill again and tried not to cry. ‘You have both the kotatsu and the heater on all the time.’

‘It's cold,’ said Aoi, not looking up from his manga. He was sitting on the other end of the kotatsu while Junpei tried to work out the month's budget. ‘I told you I’ll take care of it.’ 

‘It's still wasteful.’ Junpei appreciated Aoi's offer to pay for his keep--even if he probably did enough of the household chores that Junpei should be paying _him_\--but it was the principle of the thing. 

Aoi put his manga down and frowned at Junpei. ‘We can share the kotatsu.’ 

A month ago that would have made Junpei blush, but there was something about living together in a small flat: Junpei knew about Aoi’s skin care routine, the amount of time he needed to get ready in the morning--fuck, Junpei had smelled Aoi's farts (which was fair, considering Aoi had to smell Junpei's farts). In short, while he was still not completely comfortable living with someone else, that wasn't going to stop him from scratching his balls in front of Aoi if he wanted.

‘What, sharing my bed isn’t exciting enough?’ said Junpei. ‘We have to sleep on the floor too?’ 

‘Exciting?’ Aoi grinned. 

‘Oh sure, that's what you focus on.’ 

‘The heater uses up more electricity, cheapass.’ 

Junpei tapped his pen against his lower lip. He didn't know why he was arguing about the logistics of surviving the Tokyo winter with an uninvited guest, but he was nothing if not flexible. ‘Yeah, but I like my bed.’ 

There wasn't a lot of furniture in the flat and most of it came from thrift stores, but Junpei was quite fond of his bed. He wouldn’t have bothered if not for the extra cash his mum had slipped him before he’d left for the city, but since he could afford to splurge a bit he'd chosen a semi-double. Before Aoi had come along and tidied up, most of the bed had been taken over by Junpei's books and clothes. But now there was enough space for the two of them and Junpei didn't have to worry about constantly getting poked by Aoi's sharp elbows. 

Aoi shrugged. ‘Just don't stick your pointy bones at me.’ 

‘That's my line, surely.’ 

Despite the bickering, Aoi had no trouble sleeping after an intense moment on his smartphone--apparently he'd been keeping track of the stock market since he moved in, but Junpei hadn't noticed until Aoi had brought it up. The guy had fallen asleep holding his phone. 

Junpei laywith his back to Aoi and listened to the hum of the city outside. Sleeping next to someone felt strange. Even if it was only Aoi and Junpei didn't care if he elbowed Aoi in the face or rolled over him in his sleep, he still felt a certain restraint. A foreign presence was in his personal space, one which he'd been used to occupying without thinking too much about it, and he couldn't say he was happy. He'd been the one to suggest they sleep together, so he only had himself to blame, but he still resented how Aoi was snoring his heart out while Junpei laywide awake next to him. 

Actually, Aoi didn’t snore. No matter his other faults, that wasn't a thing he did. What he did have was annoyingly cold feet that had somehow ended up on top of Junpei's leg. He kicked them off with a grunt and wondered how Aoi could be so at ease around someone he didn't really know that well. 

He was probably used to having company. After all, he'd grown up with Akane and they might have shared a room when they were kids. Junpei realised he couldn't remember Akane talking about her brother at all. He was curious what their relationship had been like, but he couldn't find it in himself to ask. She'd become a presence in his flat, almost tangible in the way Junpei and Aoi avoided even mentioning her name, and perhaps that was why Aoi wouldn't leave; haunting Junpei in search of other ghosts. 

Junpei heard Aoi sigh, the rustling of the sheets as Aoi shifted to a different position. But Aoi was _real_, along with his cold feet, and the thought was enough to comfort Junpei into sleep.

*

Time moved on even after a person's death. Junpei hadn't physically died in this history, but he remembered. Or his body did; the warm stickiness of his own blood, the water filling his lungs, and the final moments before his consciousness faded along with the pain. To this death count he added the person he had been before the kidnapping. And of course, the people who had died in Building Q.

And Akane.

He wasn't like her: he couldn't see the future and the past, but he contained his own handful of deaths. A mere speck compared to what she had borne even as a young girl, but they were his and he could feel the weight of them when there was nothing left.

Days tumbled into months, with Junpei's graduation caught somewhere in between--no more than a footnote tucked into a chapter he hadn't paid attention to, a day that would have blurred into the next except his mum had come to Tokyo to see him and pester him about not coming home for New Year's. 

Aoi had fucked off to a manga cafe--Junpei kept getting messages every few minutes as Aoi live-blogged his way through an old manga about quiz bowls--while Junpei's mum flitted around the flat. He almost felt guilty about her look of disappointment when she realised there wasn't much left for her to do: Aoi had gone into a frenzy of housecleaning when he'd found out Junpei's mum was going to drop by. 

‘It's not like it matters,’ Junpei had said. He'd been tasked to scrub the hell out of the bathroom tiles while Aoi handled the bathtub. ‘She expects to find a mess. Do we have to deprive her of that?’ 

‘What sort of shit son are you,’ Aoi’s voice had sounded strangely flat inside the tub and Junpei had imagined he was being told off by an irate bath spirit, ‘to make your mum clean up when she's coming all this way to see you?’ 

Junpei couldn't argue with that, so instead he'd said, ‘Dude, you're the last person I expected to care about filial piety. Is that what they call a gap moe?’ 

He'd gotten a sponge to the face for his effort, but it had been worth it. 

They _had_ wondered what to do about Aoi's stuff--most of his possessions blended in with Junpei's to the point where Junpei was never sure if the boxers he wore were actually his--but if his mum noticed the bathroom sink had more than double the amount of skin care and hair products that could possibly be used by one person, she didn’t mention it at all. 

She did give him a look when she’d opened the fridge and found it stocked with fresh fish and vegetables.

‘Now, I don't want to pry,’ she said, taking out the plastic containers of food she'd brought from a large bag and placing them on the kitchen counter. ‘But I've been wondering, since you didn't come home for New Year's--’ 

Junpei held out a hand. ‘I don't have a girlfriend, mum.’ 

He didn’t think she'd believe him. Having a girlfriend was the most likely and reasonable explanation for the changes in his lifestyle. Never mind his unusually clean flat, not even Kondo Marie could tell Junpei what to do with bitter melon and enjoy it. 

She sighed. ‘I wish you'd tell me things.’

‘There's nothing to tell.’ A well-used lie, one that had served to cover up failed exams, food poisoning, and the time he'd sprained his ankle falling down the stairs of his apartment building because he was drunk--things his mum shouldn’t have to worry about on top of everything else she had to deal with. 

The sprained ankle already stretched the white lie to breaking point; getting kidnapped and forced to play a death game pushed it to a whole other level. 

‘Is there someone you like?’ 

Junpei looked up from the container he had sneaked away from his mum, a slice of tamagoyaki already in one hand. ‘I already said--’

‘That's different.’ She raised an eyebrow. She was smiling, but something in him--the expression on his face, perhaps--made her drop her teasing tone. ‘Did something happen, Junpei?’ 

He popped the tamagoyaki in his mouth, an obvious ploy to delay his reply. To his mum's credit, she didn't say anything else, focusing instead on stacking the food containers inside his fridge. 

‘It doesn't matter,’ he said. ‘She’s gone.’ 

His mum turned to look at him. ‘Oh, Junpei.’ 

He didn't start crying until his mum was holding him close; the floral scent of fabric conditioner and her hand rubbing his back reminding him of his childhood, when scrapes and bad temper had been easily soothed by her comforting words. 

Junpei had no intention of telling his mum about Akane--the Nonary Game was bad enough, his mum might think he'd lost his mind if he started talking about getting reunited with an old friend only to find out she'd been dead for nine years. 

It was pain he could share only with Aoi, but his mum was offering what comfort she could and in that moment Junpei felt as if everything was all right.

*

Junpei walked with his mum to the train station, waiting until her train had left before pulling out his phone and sending Aoi a Line message.

‘You can come back home now.’ Junpei didn't know if Aoi considered his flat ‘home’, but it didn’t seem like he had other places to stay so the word would do.

Junpei felt his phone buzz against his leg a few minutes later. Pulling it out again, he saw Aoi’s reply.

The manga cafe Aoi had gone to was in a completely opposite direction from the station: Aoi was taking no chances being seen by Junpei's mum even if she had no idea he existed. To be fair, an accidental encounter could become embarrassing really fast and Junpei would have done the same had he been in Aoi's shoes, but that meant he had to walk past his apartment building, meet up with Aoi, and double back to his flat. Walking all over town wasn’t exactly how he'd imagined he'd spend his graduation day. 

He comforted himself by thinking of all the food waiting for them back home. He and Aoi had tried taking turns cooking, but one look at Junpei's tamagoyaki had made Aoi sad, so it had been a short-lived arrangement. Junpei took care of what household chores he could but he felt guilty about the division of labour, especially since Aoi chipped in for expenses whenever Junpei ran short. With all the food Junpei's mum had brought over, Aoi wouldn't have to cook for the next few days and could stare at stock market reports as long as he wanted. 

Aoi was waiting for him outside the cafe, fiddling with his phone as usual and unaware of the girls in high school uniform watching him through the glass front of Manboo. 

‘You have fans,’ said Junpei, pointing with his chin. One of the girls stuck her tongue out at him.

‘Hm?’ Aoi gave the girls a glance from over his shoulder before turning back to Junpei. ‘You’re still wearing your suit.’ 

‘Didn’t have time to change,’ said Junpei. ‘And it’s cold out.’ 

Spring was around the corner, but the nights were still chilly and while all the walking had warmed Junpei up, he was still grateful for his jacket. He certainly felt more dressed for the weather than Aoi, who had gone out in one of Junpei’s flannel shirts pulled over a stylishly ripped top. 

‘Good,’ said Aoi. ‘Let’s go.’ 

‘Home’s that way.’ Junpei pointed in the opposite direction, almost hitting a salaryman who was walking past. The guy gave him the hairy eyeball, complaining about the rudeness of youth as he hurried to his destination.

‘We’re not going home yet.’ 

It didn’t look like Aoi was going to offer more information, so Junpei swallowed his questions and followed him in silence. They walked past arcades and pachinko parlours, the sound of ball bearings pouring into trays all but drowning out the synthesised sound effects from arcade machines before fading into human bustle the farther they went; touts yelling their spiels for girly bars and the rowdiness from the izakaya that lined the streets. 

Junpei was familiar with the area--he’d gone there with Aoi before--and wasn’t surprised when he found himself stepping inside a love hotel. 

Aoi chose a room from the touch screen in the lobby while Junpei kept an eye on the door. He’d been a kid when the laws cracked down on love hotels and ryokan that refused to admit male couples, so he never had to worry about going to a hotel and being turned away by the staff. Not that he’d ever thought this would concern him; Junpei had never considered going to a love hotel with a guy before Aoi came along. And even then it was just something they did, like sharing a meal or playing video games together. 

They were probably what people called sex friends, although Junpei wasn’t sure exactly what it meant to be sex friends. They got along and sometimes fucked; a comfortable arrangement they’d fallen into through proximity and convenience. Without the events surrounding the Nonary Game throwing them together--and without Akane--Junpei doubted Aoi would give him the time of day, no matter how good his Gunpla-making skills were. Their specs were on different levels entirely. 

‘Come on,’ said Aoi, grabbing Junpei’s arm and dragging him inside the lift. He waited until the doors hissed closed behind them before pulling at the lapels of Junpei’s jacket. ‘I’ve been thinking about this all day.’ 

Junpei was pretty sure there were security cameras in the lift and had to make do with placing his hands on Aoi’s waist. ‘You could have borrowed one of my jackets if you were cold.’ 

Aoi laughed, letting go of Junpei’s jacket so he could flick at Junpei’s forehead. ‘Idiot.’

They managed to get to their room without encountering the staff or other patrons, for which Junpei was grateful. He didn’t give a fuck about being seen in a love hotel with a guy in general, but being seen with a guy who was obviously out of his league was something else. 

He started taking his clothes off as soon as they got in, but Aoi stopped him. 

‘Keep it on.’ 

Junpei raised his eyebrows. Aoi was very particular about cleanliness; his fondness for tidying up the flat was only an extension of personal hygiene and he was very adamant about having a shower before and after sex. 

‘_I'm_ going to shower,’ Aoi went on. ‘You just sit there and look pretty.’

‘What's with you today?’ said Junpei. But he did as he was told, sitting on the bed and leafing through the menu provided by the love hotel. This included costumes one could rent as well as food and drinks. He wondered if he could convince Aoi to wear a nurse outfit. 

Having sex with Aoi was a complicated process not unlike petting a cat: he called the shots and established immovable boundaries when it came to what he was willing to do. Sucking Junpei off was out of the question; Aoi hated having things stuck down his throat and to be honest Junpei would rather not have his cock anywhere near Aoi's teeth. He also refused to fuck Junpei, which was good because Junpei wasn't sure he was quite ready to take dick up his ass yet. 

But otherwise, Aoi was pretty chill when it came to what Junpei can do to him, letting Junpei touch and kiss and lick wherever he wanted. His reaction ranged from a creamy satisfied smile to scratching the fuck out of Junpei's back. 

He liked leaving marks all over Junpei's body, not only during sex but whenever he felt like it. Junpei could be bent over homework and Aoi would come biting and sucking at the back of his neck. This didn't always lead to making out, and Junpei was slowly learning to figure out when Aoi wanted to fool around and when he simply wanted Junpei to pay attention to him. 

‘What're you smiling about?’ said Aoi, who had popped out of the bathroom in a fluffy robe. He threw himself on the bed next to Junpei and pulled at the menu so they could both look at the range of costumes the love hotel had to offer. ‘Pervert.’ 

‘I'm not the one who wants to get fucked by a guy in a suit.’ 

Aoi laughed, throwing the menu off the bed before sliding closer to Junpei. ‘You clean up surprisingly well.’

‘Unlike my suit,’ said Junpei, leaning over so he could bite at Aoi's ear. ‘If it gets wrinkled and stained.’

‘Hm.’ Aoi pulled away, shifting his position so he could give Junpei a kiss on the lips. ‘I'll pay for cleaning. Fuck, I'll buy you a new one.’ 

That kiss was too brief, really no more than a chaste peck, because Aoi was too busy running his mouth off. Junpei decided it was time to take control of the situation--Aoi liked playing the submissive even if they both knew Junpei would do nothing he hadn't allowed. That was part of the experience of fucking Aoi: Junpei not so much pushing at Aoi's boundaries as reinforcing them, allowing Aoi to let go and lose himself in the onslaught of physical sensations. 

Junpei pushed Aoi down on the bed, kneeling on all fours so he could trap Aoi without letting their bodies touch. Aoi's eyes had darkened and he reached out to pull at the lapels of Junpei's jacket again, pulling him close until they were kissing. A proper kiss this time, rough and deep, and Aoi bit at Junpei's lower lip when they stopped for air. 

‘Come _on_,’ said Aoi. 

Junpei laughed and he leaned closer, resting some of his weight on top of Aoi as they kissed again, Junpei finally pulling away so he could kiss Aoi's cheek, his eyelid, before going back to his ear. He wished Aoi hadn't taken that shower; the soap and shampoo in love hotels were usually unscented--part of the discretion such places were known for--and Junpei wasn't a big fan. He liked Aoi's clean soapy smell, minty scent from his shampoo and his still damp skin. But it wasn't like they could just fuck at home. The walls were too thin and while they’d rubbed and sucked each other off without making much noise before, Junpei didn't think that was going to happen now. Aoi was being unusually pushy, which was hardly a prelude to a quiet fuck. 

‘We don't have all night,’ said Aoi. 

Junpei nodded. He didn't stop nibbling at Aoi's ear, but reached down so he could untie Aoi's robe, brushing his fingers across Aoi's stomach and feeling him squirm. Aoi had started rubbing against Junpei, his cock warm and hard and leaking precum.

‘You'll get me a new suit, right?’ said Junpei. 

‘I'll buy you a whole fucking wardrobe if you want.’ 

Not having to worry about doing permanent damage to his one suit, Junpei went about giving Aoi what he wanted.

*

The day must have taken more out of Junpei than he thought and he woke up wondering where he was and checking his phone for the time.

‘You’ve been out for almost an hour,’ said Aoi, looking up from his own phone. 

Junpei sighed. ‘Sorry.’ 

‘I tried to get the stains off your suit,’ Aoi went on. ‘It'll probably be fine.’

‘Probably?’

‘Never tried to wash come off a suit before.’ 

Junpei sat up, rubbing a hand over his face. ‘What, you've never slept with guys while wearing a suit?’

‘Hold?’ said Aoi, in English.

It took Junpei a moment to realise Aoi was asking him to translate what he'd just said. Aoi was bilingual, but he'd also spent the last nine years in America and his sister had been the only Japanese person he'd spoken to regularly. He tended to switch to English when his memory failed him and sometimes had a hard time with nuance. 

‘Yeah,’ said Junpei. ‘But also ‘sleep with’.’ 

Aoi placed his phone on the bed. ‘It's not sexy when it's practically their uniform.’ 

Junpei scooted closer to Aoi, who was sitting with his back against the headboard. ‘That'll be me when I get a job.’ 

‘We'll see how long the novelty lasts.’ Aoi laughed. ‘I don’t sleep with other people.’ 

Aoi had used the word for literal sleep. Junpei turned to look at him. ‘What?’

‘It's like,’ Aoi paused, making a rolling motion with one hand. ‘Like opening yourself up to attack, you know?’

‘Really?’ said Junpei, but Aoi had already turned away, reaching out for his clothes which he’d carefully spread on a chair beside the bed. 

‘Here.’ Aoi handed Junpei a navy blue box with the Grand Seiko logo on top of it. 

‘Dude,’ said Junpei, forgetting all questions regarding Aoi's sleeping habits. ‘No way.’ 

‘Don't go around using your phone to tell the time.’ 

Junpei had never seen Aoi wear a watch besides their first meeting, but he decided to say nothing in case Aoi grabbed his present back. He'd taken the box that contained the watch out of the outer box, but paused when he remembered, ‘It's not gonna blow up, is it?’ 

‘The fuck do you think I'll rig a 500,000 yen watch for?’ 

‘You’re not exactly a person I trust when it comes to watches.’ 

Aoi crossed his arms. ‘It's not gonna blow up, all right? I just thought a boring salaryman needs a proper watch.’ 

There was nothing boring about the watch Aoi had chosen. With its platinum casing and black leather band, the thing looked pricey without drawing attention to itself. 

‘Dude.’ Junpei tried it on, not caring if he looked strange sitting butt naked on the bed wearing a ridiculously expensive watch. ‘I'm sorry I called you an asshole.’ He held up a hand before Aoi could reply. ‘You're still an asshole, but I'm sorry.’ 

Aoi rolled his eyes and gave Junpei a kick in the side, almost pushing him off the bed. ‘Get that thing off and go shower. I'm famished.’ 

‘Mum brought a bunch of food when she came over.’

‘I know,’ said Aoi. ‘That's why I didn't order anything. Can we get the fuck out of here before I pay for the whole night?’ 

Seeing as it was a weekday and the love hotel gave discounts the longer one stayed, Junpei didn't see what the fuss was about, but he _was_ hungry. All the physical exertion didn't help either. 

He took off his new watch and placed it back in the box before heading off to the bathroom. He was already inside when he yelled, ‘Thanks.’ 

He hadn't noticed Aoi had followed him until Aoi said, ‘Don't mention it.’ 

Junpei nearly slipped and grabbed Aoi's arm before he cracked his head against the bathtub. ‘Can’t you make some fucking noise when you move?’

‘What for?’ Aoi grinned. ‘Dude, we need a bigger bathtub at home.’

‘You think?’ Junpei waved a hand around. ‘This place is about half the size of our flat.’ 

‘Get a good job so we can move to a bigger place,’ said Aoi, who probably had no idea how job applications worked in Japan. 

‘We'll see.’ Junpei sighed. He wasn't like Akane and he didn't know what was waiting for him in the future. He thought of the watch Aoi had given him, the hands marking time in its small dark box.

*

Back in their flat and in the dark, Junpei stared at Aoi's sleeping face. Aoi had always looked like he was in desperate need of sun and Junpei had noticed his lips were almost the same colour as his skin. Junpei reached out and pressed his thumb against Aoi's lower lip, wondering at how different the smoothness felt compared to the velvety texture of Aoi’s cheek.

Aoi had smiled and made jokes and had given Junpei a watch that would last a lifetime. 

Maybe things were going to be all right.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not important at all to the story so I didn't want to expound on it, but the PG models Junpei was talking about are Perfect Grade Gunpla. 1/60 scale, kind of expensive, and very detailed. If you're poor like me + have limited shelf space, I do reco doing Real Grade (RG) models instead... that is if they actually have one of the mecha you want, oops. 
> 
> Premium Bandai (P-Bandai) releases can be bought online via the Premium Bandai website only. They're usually limited runs and available only in Japan, Singapore, and uh maybe Hong Kong? Some hobby stores do accept P-Bandai orders so don't despair. 
> 
> Uh my betas wanted me to change 'sex friends' to 'fuck buddies' or 'friends with benefits', but I really like sex friends. The Japanese slang is 'sefure' and I think it has a happier vibe to it lmaoo.


	3. intermission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey I'm back! Thanks so much to Jinger, Wren, and Vivs for the beta, Japan-pick, and general hand-holding. 
> 
> We've got one more chapter to go! I just... need to figure out what to do about the Reverie Syndrome.

‘I'm going back home for Obon.’ 

‘Hm?’ Aoi was aware Junpei had been yapping about something for a while now, but he was drafting an email to a client in America and hadn't been paying attention. ‘Wha--ow!’ Junpei had reached out to pinch his side. Aoi slapped his hand before he could come back for more. ‘Stop that. What do you want?’ 

‘I already missed New Year's,’ said Junpei. 

Aoi waited for him to elaborate, which he didn't. ‘And?’ 

‘That's why I’m going back home for Obon.’ Junpei's voice rose to a whine. The sooner they moved to a new place the better; it was getting increasingly obvious to their neighbours that Junpei wasn't living alone. Unless he'd always talked to himself and his furniture, which was also likely. ‘You haven't been listening at all, have you?’ 

‘I'm trying to get some fucking work done.’ Aoi closed his eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose with two fingers. He probably needed to get glasses, but he'd been putting it off: he wasn't sure he liked how he looked in glasses. 

‘Are you coming with?’ 

‘What, introducing me to your parents already?’ Aoi dropped the nose massage so he could widen his eyes and place his hands delicately on his cheeks in mock surprise. ‘It hasn't even been a year yet.’ 

‘Idiot.’ Junpei pinched him again. ‘You grew up in the area didn't you? Don't you want to come back and visit?’

Aoi looked back at his laptop screen, rereading his unfinished email without registering what the words meant. 

‘Do you really want to stay here by yourself?’ Junpei slid to Aoi's side of the table, resting his pointy chin on Aoi's shoulder. 

‘And what would you tell your parents?’ said Aoi. His shoulder felt like someone was trying to punch a hole through it, but he didn't push Junpei away. Junpei was a personable type, but he also had a fully operational AT field that prevented other people from getting too close. The moments when he showed affection were few and far between and Aoi looked forward to them.

‘The truth.’ Junpei pulled away slightly when he started talking. At least he knew how dangerous his bones were. ‘You used to live there and just want to visit again, nothing wrong with that.’ 

Aoi chewed at his lower lip. He was almost certain Junpei's mum knew about him, although Junpei liked to think she only suspected. Aoi didn't know how to feel about that. His own parents had been dead for so long he’d forgotten how families worked. 

‘Come on,’ said Junpei. ‘It'll be fun.’

Fun wasn't exactly a word Aoi associated with Obon, but he did like the Bon dances and the toro nagashi. ‘Don't you want to spend some private time with your family?’ 

Junpei didn't answer, but Aoi could guess what he was thinking. In another history, Aoi _was_ family. But they weren't living in that timeline and without Akane, Aoi's connection to Junpei was a frail thing, an echo of what could have been.

Aoi pushed Junpei away, hunching over his laptop so he could get his work over and done with. ‘If your parents are fine with it--’ he let his voice trail off. 

‘I'll go ask mum now,’ said Junpei, scrambling onto the bed where he'd left his smartphone.

*

Yuriko took another look around the living room, rubbing her hands against the sides of her apron as she did so.

‘Why don't you sit down for a bit?’ Her husband Keigo looked up from the foreign movie he was watching on TV. She'd never seen him show interest in foreign movies before, but he was also the type to watch things simply because they were there. ‘I'm sure they'll be here soon.’ 

‘The grilled eel is getting cold,’ said Yuriko, looking at the clock again. ‘It's best eaten as soon as it's ready.’

‘Grilled eel is good either way.’ Keigo topped up the beer in his glass and held it out to her. ‘You know Junpei; he doesn't care if the eel is a bit cold.’ 

‘Don't you think it's strange?’ Yuriko sat down the table across her husband, pointedly ignoring his glass of beer. He shrugged and drank it himself. ‘Why is he bringing a friend over for Obon?’ 

‘He said the guy grew up around these parts, didn't he?’ 

That was indeed what Junpei had said in his email, but Yuriko had her doubts. Obon was a time for family; she found it strange her son's friend wouldn't want to stay with his own relatives when he'd come all the way from Tokyo to visit. 

‘All right,’ said Keigo, tapping at the table with his fingertips. ‘What's bothering you?’ 

She thought of her last visit to her son's flat. His room had been tidier than usual, but that alone wouldn't have made her suspicious. What _was_ unusual were the items scattered around the place: expensive clothing, skincare products, shampoo for dyed hair, things she'd never seen Junpei bother with before. Not to mention the fresh produce in his fridge. Her son knew the basics of cooking, but she didn't think he'd know what to do with bitter melon, let alone actually spend his money on them. 

‘Do you think maybe he's bringing his boyfriend home to meet us?’ Yuriko lowered her voice. She’d been thinking about the possibility of her son dating a man since her return from Tokyo. He did mention a girl he liked and the rest would make sense if he'd found himself a roommate, but Junpei had never mentioned anything about a roommate. Why would he hide that from his own mother? And now he was bringing home a friend for the holidays. She didn't think it was all a coincidence. 

Keigo blinked at her for several seconds before starting to laugh, slamming his palm against the table and almost upsetting his empty glass. ‘A boyfriend? Our son?’ 

‘What's so funny about that?’

‘Gay men prefer handsome guys with chiseled bodies.’ Keigo nodded to himself. ‘I saw it all on TV.’ 

‘Do you believe everything you see on TV?’ Yuriko stuck out her lower lip. ‘What if he has a handsome, chiseled boyfriend?’

‘At least one of them is.’

Yuriko raised a hand and shushed at her husband. She thought she heard voices coming from outside--

‘This place looks so retro.’ That wasn't Junpei's voice--the pitch was lower and the speaker tended to draw out his syllables. Yuriko tried to imagine what kind of man that voice would belong to: the designer brand clothes she'd seen in her son's flat were on the flashy side and her mind came up with alarming images of men who worked for host clubs. 

‘They'd renovated during my grandparents’ time, but kept most of the rooms in the traditional style.’ That was Junpei. Yuriko heard the door creak open as he called out, ‘Mum, I'm home.’ 

‘Welcome back.’ Yuriko stood up and hurried to the hallway, trying to catch a glimpse of Junpei's friend as they paused to take their shoes off at the genkan. Her heart sank when she noticed the silver hair. 

‘This is the friend I told you about.’ Junpei gestured at the young man who stood slightly behind him. ‘He's Aoi.’ 

‘Nice to meet you.’ Aoi had switched to a more formal tone than when he was speaking with Junpei; that was reassuring. Yuriko's first impression of a rough-talking yanki with dyed hair mellowed slightly and she started thinking of celebrities instead. He certainly had the looks for it: his features were too sharp for a heartthrob idol who made girls swoon, but he wouldn't look out of place in a rock band.

‘Sorry for intruding,’ he added, handing Yuriko a paper bag. ‘Junpei said you're fond of eclairs.’ 

‘Thank you,’ said Yuriko. She recognised the logo of a famous patisserie in Tokyo printed on the bag. She'd always wanted to try their pastries but there was always a queue in front of their shop and she didn't want to miss her train back home. ‘Come on in.’

Junpei led Aoi down the hallway and stopped just outside the living room. ‘I'm home.’

‘Welcome back,’ said Keigo, glancing at them before turning back to his movie. ‘It's about time for lunch.’ 

‘I grilled some eel,’ said Yuriko.

‘You need to try mum's kabayaki,’ Junpei said, looking at Aoi. ‘We're just gonna take our bags to my room and we can all have lunch.’ 

Yuriko made sure Junpei and his friend had gone up the stairs and out of earshot before going back to the living room. ‘What do you think?’

‘He's different from Junpei's other friends, that's for sure,’ said Keigo, scratching the back of his head. 

That was true; Aoi might be flashy but he was also stylish. None of Junpei's friends--or Junpei himself, for that matter--knew about patisseries or good eclairs and would never have bothered buying some for her. 

‘I meant, do you think they're together?’ 

‘We've seen them for two minutes, Yuriko.’ Keigo sighed. 

Her husband was right; there hadn't been enough time to judge the way Junpei interacted with his friend and what she'd seen of it so far didn't seem especially amorous. But Junpei had never been good with expressing his emotions. ‘I just wish he didn't keep secrets from us.’ 

‘He's an adult.’ Keigo poured some more beer in his glass. 

Yuriko sat back down and leaned closer to Keigo so she could lower her voice. ‘Aren't you worried at all your son might be gay?’ 

‘It might raise some problems at his work.’ 

‘And what about starting a family?’ 

‘Most young couples choose not to have kids nowadays,’ said Keigo. ‘That's about the same, don't you think?’

Yuriko said nothing, but when Keigo offered her the glass of beer again, she reached out and took it.

*

‘Your mum doesn't trust me,’ said Aoi.

Junpei had been about to open the door to his room, but he turned back to look at Aoi. ‘I expected you to say she doesn't like you.’ 

‘I'm an esper, remember?’ Aoi tapped at his forehead, although he wasn't sure the morphic connection happened there. ‘I can't say if she likes me or not, but she sure as hell doesn’t trust me.’ 

‘She did appreciate the eclairs you got her.’ Junpei pushed the door open and gestured Aoi inside. ‘Come on, grilled eel is waiting.’ 

Aoi took a look around Junpei's bedroom before setting his bag down in front of the futon closet. It was a five tatami mat space, with a desk close to the window and an empty bookshelf where he assumed Junpei had once displayed his Gunpla. There were posters for Iron Blooded Orphans and a Kamen Rider Aoi wasn't familiar with on the wall, but that was it. The room felt neat and empty; an echo of what it had been when Junpei had been living there as a kid. 

‘I'm surprised she's letting me sleep in your room,’ said Aoi.

‘Where else would you sleep?’ Junpei laughed. ‘We've got no other rooms.’ 

‘Isn't she scared I'll try to jump you in the middle of the night?’

‘With these thin-ass walls?’ Junpei blinked, the exasperated look on his face shifting into a smirk. ‘My parents sleep downstairs, though.’ 

Aoi laughed, letting Junpei push him against the closet. ‘Pervert,’ he managed to say, before he felt Junpei's lips pressing against his. 

‘I guess we should go back down,’ said Junpei, pulling away after a couple minutes. 

‘My charms lost to kabayaki.’ 

‘We have all the time later.’ 

Aoi bit his lip, willing his cock not to react to the promise in Junpei's smile. He could be very cute when he made an effort. ‘No we don't.’ 

They weren't going to fuck in Junpei's childhood bedroom with Junpei's parents sleeping right below them, not if Aoi could help it. Propriety wasn't something he worried about and the way Junpei's mum had kept giving him surreptitious looks made him want to push her buttons a bit, but he couldn't shake the feeling of wrongness.

He didn't belong here; he wasn't the one who should be meeting Junpei's parents, looking around Junpei's room and imagining what he'd been like as a kid. He shouldn’t be the one Junpei held close and kissed. 

‘Let’s go,’ said Aoi. ‘I can hear your stomach growling.’

Junpei mumbled something about not getting food at the train station--that had been his idea and Aoi was quick to point it out. They ended up bickering all the way to the dining room. 

So much for making a good impression.

*

Yuriko watched her son happily demolish his second helping of rice before turning to his friend. Aoi was also on his second bowl--that was flattering. If he was indeed living with Junpei and had managed to make her son eat his vegetables, he was probably a good cook. To see him eat a meal Yuriko prepared with a satisfied look on his face made her feel a bit more kindly towards him.

‘Junpei told us you grew up in this town?’

Aoi nodded, making sure to swallow before replying, ‘We went to the same school. I'm older than him, though, so we never met there.’ 

‘Hm,’ said Keigo, who hadn't said a word the whole time they’d been eating lunch. ‘I don't know if I ever caught your family name?’ 

Something flickered across Aoi's face--anger? Sadness? Yuriko wasn't quite sure and his neutral expression was back when he said, ‘Kurashiki.’ 

Yuriko almost gasped and for a moment Aoi's eyes met hers. He looked away first, but she knew he had caught the recognition in her eyes. 

The incident happened a long time ago--Junpei was too young to have heard of it--but she remembered from the news and the gossip and the feeling of horror that spread through town when they realised one of them had been a murderer. No wonder Aoi didn't want to stay with his relatives. She wasn't even sure if they'd welcome him back.

‘You used to have a friend called Kurashiki, right?’ she said, turning back to her son. ‘Is she a relative?’

‘My sister,’ said Aoi. His voice was so low Yuriko not so much heard him as watched his lips move. ‘She was my sister.’ 

Beside him, Junpei made a sound Yuriko couldn't quite categorise: a nervous laugh or a sharp intake of breath. Neither boy had moved or even looked at each other, but Yuriko felt as if Junpei had reached out to place a hand on Aoi's back. She wondered whether her memory or her eyes were at fault--she could see it clearly in her mind, but her brain firmly insisted Junpei had been holding his rice bowl and chopsticks the whole time. 

‘Ah.’ Yuriko leaned back. ‘I'm sorry.’ 

‘It was,’ Aoi paused, a heartbeat in which he seemed to have lost the thread of what he was about to say before grabbing it again with a frown, ‘a long time ago.’ 

‘Thanks for the meal,’ said Junpei, placing his empty bowl back on the dining table. 

‘You boys must be tired,’ said Yuriko. ‘Why don't you go take a nap? Junpei can show you around town later.’ 

‘Sound good--ow!’ Junpei glared at Aoi, who gave it back in spades. ‘We'll help you clean up, mum.’ 

Yuriko hid a smile behind one hand. She'd learned a lot from the way Junpei and Aoi interacted during lunch, enough to have a good guess as to what their relationship actually was, but she disliked Aoi less than she'd thought she would. ‘You can do that later. Get some rest for now.’ 

‘Thanks for the meal,’ said Aoi. With his reminder of filial piety delivered successfully to Junpei, he seemed to be at a loss on what to do next; he was staring at his rice bowl as if it were a beautiful antique instead of a plastic affair Yuriko had bought on sale. 

Junpei rose from the table, placing a hand on Aoi's shoulder. ‘Come on, dude.’ 

Aoi gave Yuriko and Keigo a nod before letting Junpei drag him back upstairs. Yuriko could hear Junpei's voice, but he was talking too softly for her to make out the words. 

‘Well,’ said Yuriko. ‘What do you think now?’ 

Keigo shrugged. His disinterest wasn't surprising; Keigo wasn't the strict type, unlike Kitagawa from next door who thought nothing of hitting his own sons, but Yuriko wondered if Keigo's attitude was indicative of his trust in Junpei or a lack of interest entirely. ‘Are you still worried about that?’ 

‘I wouldn't say worried.’ Yuriko stood up and went to fetch the box of eclairs from the fridge. She was glad her husband didn't care much for sweets and she wouldn't have to share; there were six different eclairs in the box, which might be excessive for one person, but she wanted to sample all of them. 

After some deliberation, she chose the one with the green glaze. ‘I think they're together.’ 

That caught his attention. ‘How do you figure?’ 

Yuriko took a bite off her eclair as she considered her reply. The pastry was indeed worthy of the hype: the shell was flaky but chewy, and the notes of matcha in the cream filling added a hint of bitterness that balanced its sweetness. It was a perfect dessert for summer: light and not overwhelmingly sweet. 

‘Yuriko.’ 

‘There’s something about how they act around each other,’ said Yuriko, in between small bites. She wanted to make the eclair last as long as she could. ‘A feeling of being taken care of.’

Keigo snorted. ‘Can't say I get it.’ 

‘I'm not sure I do either.’ 

Keigo didn't reply. Yuriko had expected him to go back to the living room as soon as he'd finished eating, but here he was watching her savour an eclair instead. She wondered if he wanted a pastry after all. 

‘There's all sorts of love, isn’t there?’ she said, once she'd placed the box of eclairs back in the fridge and she was clearing the table. 

To her surprise, Keigo stood next to her to wipe the tableware dry after she was done washing them. 

‘Sure,’ he said.

*

Aoi lay on the floor of Junpei's bedroom, resting his head on the still-folded futon Junpei had pulled out from the closet. ‘Aren’t you gonna take a nap?’

‘Not sleepy.’ Junpei sat next to Aoi, smartphone in hand and probably raring to get back to the mobile game he'd been obsessed with recently. Aoi heard two seconds of the unnecessarily cool theme song from the game's starting screen before Junpei tapped on the start button. ‘It's too hot.’ 

That didn't stop him from settling down on the floor as well, his body warm and sweaty and pressed against Aoi’s. Junpei had always been a fucking furnace--Aoi liked curling up against him on winter nights, but it made cuddling unbearable in the near-tropical heat of summer in Japan. 

The weather wasn't much different in Ishikawa, but one thing the coastal towns had over Tokyo was the breeze coming off the sea. Aoi didn't feel like he was broiling and he was too tired to push Junpei away, so all he did was voice a token complaint.

‘But you feel cool,’ said Junpei. 

‘Go hug an ice cube.’

Junpei turned to his side and draped half his body on top of Aoi. ‘You're the ice cube.’ 

Aoi tried to elbow him off. ‘Focus on your damn game.’

‘No good. I need better demons for PVP.’ Junpei lay on his back again. ‘Can I buy--’ 

‘You already bought the monthly pack.’ 

‘I need to defend my honour.’ 

Junpei was a low-maintenance kind of dude; Aoi had spent more on him so far than anyone he’s ever slept with, but that was only because Aoi had never kept anyone around long enough. Junpei didn't spend much on clothes or gadgets, but he _could_ get too hung up on _mobage_ and gambling if no one stopped him. 

‘What good is honour when you have to subsist on food samples for a week?’ Aoi had done this, back when he was a kid. When money got tight he went around supermarkets and ate food samples employees handed out from their trays. They even had juice samples in tiny paper cups. 

Junpei snorted. ‘Just go to sleep. I'll wake you up when it's cooled off outside.’ 

‘What for?’ Aoi knew what Junpei was talking about, but he wasn't looking forward to it. 

‘Don’t you wanna go see if your relatives are still around?’ 

‘Fuck them.’ Aoi's voice must have sounded harsher than he intended; Junpei stopped gaming so he could bring his face close to Aoi's. He said nothing, but his raised eyebrows were enough. ‘I’ll explain later.’ 

‘We can always walk by the coast,’ said Junpei. ‘Get you some sun.’ 

‘I'll burn.’ Still, Aoi liked that idea better than meeting any of his damned relatives. ‘Don't buy more booster packs, okay?’ 

‘Yes, mum.’ Junpei giggled when Aoi kicked at his legs.

‘That sounds so wrong right now.’ 

Junpei leaned down to kiss Aoi. ‘Go to sleep.’

*

Yuriko was in the kitchen prepping for dinner when the boys returned from their walk. Aoi had worn a cap and face mask before heading out. He was probably trying to avoid sunburn--he was pale to the point of looking sickly--but she reckoned he was also taking no chances being recognised out in the streets.

Just like a celebrity. Yuriko smiled to herself. If she thought about it objectively, Aoi was a good catch. He'd mentioned he was a stockbroker at lunch and seemed to be making enough to live comfortably. He wasn’t bad looking either. She wondered if she'd be more accepting of him had Junpei been her daughter instead of her son. Or perhaps things would be easier if Aoi had been a girl. 

Which was just silly; Junpei hadn't mentioned anything about getting married. He hadn’t even said anything about dating. 

‘Can I help you with that?’ 

Yuriko almost dropped her knife. She hadn't noticed Aoi entering the kitchen at all. ‘Oh my.’

‘Sorry.’ Aoi stood next to her, leaning slightly as if to check if she'd cut herself. ‘Junpei always said I should make more noise.’ 

‘He certainly makes enough noise for two,’ said Yuriko. 

‘I heard that.’ Junpei popped his head in from the kitchen door. ‘What's for dinner?’ 

‘Cutlet.’ Yuriko pointed at a small cupboard where she kept the dishcloth and various rags. ‘Go put an apron on.’ 

‘I can't cook,’ said Junpei, the uncertainty in his voice making it sound like a question. 

‘I can.’ Aoi laughed. He pulled out a yellow apron from the cupboard--it clashed with his skin tone and made him look jaundiced--and tied it around his waist. ‘Go out there and stop bothering us.’ 

‘Mum, I’m being bullied.’ 

‘He's not wrong,’ said Yuriko, trying not to smile. ‘No sneaking food before it's served.’ 

‘I see my talents are not appreciated here.’ 

Yuriko heard Junpei stomp away, probably to join his dad in the living room. She wasn't exaggerating when she said he made a lot of noise. ‘Can you get started on making agedashi tofu?’ 

Aoi worked quietly and quickly, stopping only to ask Yuriko about the location of the items and utensils he needed. He obviously knew his way around the kitchen and she liked that he didn’t disturb her pace. They fell into an easy rhythm together and Yuriko remembered she had once wished she had a daughter, to keep her company just like this. 

‘How did you learn how to cook?’ she asked. 

‘Videos.’ Aoi was far from being taciturn, but he clammed up whenever asked about his past. 

‘So did I,’ said Yuriko, laughing at the surprised look on Aoi's face. ‘I wish I listened to my mother when I was younger, but I was so busy back then and household chores were the last thing I wanted to do.’ 

‘And your mother?’

‘She passed away before I met Keigo.’ Yuriko let a drop of batter fall on her pan to check if the oil was hot enough. The batter bubbled merrily and rose to the top, so she gently lowered a cut of pork into the pan. ‘His mother had been very kind to me.’ 

Aoi said nothing, focusing instead on taking off the excess corn starch from the blocks of tofu with a pastry brush. 

‘I can only imagine what you've gone through,’ said Yuriko. Neither of them looked at each other and the popping sound of the pork cutlet frying sounded very loud in between her words. ‘But I think you've grown up to be a strong young man.’

She thought Aoi would keep his silence, but after a few seconds he said, ‘I failed.’ 

She turned to look at him, taking note of the redness around his eyes and the way he bit at his lip. He was still holding the brush but his hands rested limp on the tray. 

‘I couldn't do anything,’ he said. ‘I failed her.’ 

Yuriko thought of the sister Aoi mentioned earlier, the friend Junpei had kept speaking of as a kid, and the subtle note of desperation in the boys’ interaction with each other. She didn't know how good this arrangement will be for them in the long run, but she didn't think she was in a position to judge. 

Everyone did what they could in order to survive. 

‘You did your best,’ said Yuriko. The cutlet would get slightly burnt, but she reached out to hold Aoi close, rubbing his back as she felt his shoulders shake in silent sobs. ‘But there's a limit to what we can do. You don't have to bear it alone.’

*

Aoi didn't--that's what made Junpei's company comforting--but the weight still felt cold and absolute in his chest.

Unlike Akane, his connection to the morphogenetic field wasn't as strong and he knew only what he knew. Even so, when Aoi had woken up in Junpei's flat after the second Nonary Game, he'd felt as if the future had unfurled before him and he could see absolutely nothing.

*


	4. 九

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey folks! Remember to stay inside when you can, wash your hands, and keep healthy! ♥
> 
> CW for death: Junpei sees some snippets from the VLR and ZTD timelines.

‘They've found the bodies.’ 

Junpei nearly choked on miso soup. Coughing, he placed his bowl back on the table and turned to Aoi. ‘What?’ 

‘The bodies in Building Q,’ said Aoi, not looking away from his phone. He sounded very calm for someone who was partly responsible for those bodies. ‘The authorities have found them.’ 

‘Can they trace it all back to you?’ Junpei lowered his voice. The walls in their new flat were thicker and he probably didn't have to worry about being overheard, but he reckoned it was appropriate in respect for what had happened in Building Q. 

Aoi smiled, tapping the edge of his phone against his lips. ‘Will you miss me when I'm rotting in prison?’

‘Fuck no,’ said Junpei. ‘I'll be right there with you for harbouring a criminal.’

‘Don't get your hopes up.’ Aoi laughed, although there was little humour in it, the kind of sarcastic laugh Junpei associated with Santa more than Aoi. 'Crash Keys has solid contingency plans in effect. She's good with that kind of thing.’ 

‘Aw man,’ said Junpei. ‘And here I thought we were gonna get some _Deadlock_[ 1 ] action.’ 

That earned him a real laugh. ‘You're really branching out,’ said Aoi, kicking at Junpei's leg from under the table. 

‘You were the one who bought those books.’ Junpei went back to his breakfast, giving Aoi surreptitious glances in between bites of grilled fish. Aoi wasn't the secretive type, but he seldom offered information without being asked--at least when it mattered. Aoi didn't need any prompting when it came to criticising Junpei's life choices. ‘So what does it say in the news?’ 

‘Cradle Pharmaceuticals CEO and partners found murdered in Nevada.’ Aoi was kind enough to allow Junpei time to process this information, nibbling on his toast with the bored look of a man who never ate breakfast. Aoi considered seven in the morning too early for food, but kept Junpei company as he fuelled up for the day anyway. 

‘What about the others?’ 

Aoi looked at Junpei in the eye. ‘We left them where they were.’ 

Junpei said nothing; he'd expected as much and it made sense. If the Kurashikis wanted Cradle to take the blame for the Nonary Game--which was within reason; no one would have been killed if not for Hongou--the fewer traces they left at the crime scene, the lower the chances of the authorities finding out about their involvement. 

He couldn't fault their decision, and still he could see Clover crumpled up on the floor of the first class cabin, her blood already dark and drying on the bathroom tiles. When he closed his eyes he could see the determination in Snake's face as he held onto Hongou's leg. He remembered the smell of gunpowder and blood, and the light flowery scent of Akane's hair.

'No mention of them in any of the articles,' said Aoi. 'I bet the media got some hefty hush money from their family.' 

'They're dead, Aoi.' Junpei tried to keep his tone neutral; he wasn't blaming Aoi for what Hongou had done. But Junpei didn't think Aoi's attitude was called for, considering the part he'd played in the Nonary Game. 

'What a coincidence,' said Aoi. 'So's my sister.' 

And wasn't that the crux of the matter. Junpei sighed. Aoi wasn't ruthless--at least not more than the guys Junpei knew from business school--but he was calculating, and his past actions showed he considered people's lives a value at risk, a mere percentage he was prepared to lose in order to profit. 

'How come they took ages to find the bodies anyway?' said Junpei. 'Hongou was the CEO of Cradle, wasn't he? You'd think they'd notice he was gone.' 

'For one, it took them a while to ID what's left of the bodies. I'm actually surprised they found anything big enough to confirm it was Hongou.' 

Junpei nodded, trying not to think of the little girl who had been trapped in the incinerator nine years ago. Aoi had said he'd held what was left of her in his hands; he knew exactly what that kind of death entailed.

'For another, Hongou didn't own Building Q so they didn't make the connection until recently,' said Aoi. 'From what me and Akane found out, Musashidou wasn't the only one who was backing Hongou financially--'

'Which one's Musashidou?' There they were again; Nonary Game veterans assuming Junpei was familiar with all the cards on the table and telling the story out of order.

Aoi took his time chewing at his toast. 'You don't need to know.' He held out a hand before Junpei could say anything. 'The less you know, the better.' 

'Scared I'll rat on you?'

'The law says you can refuse to testify if you don't want to.' 

'Only for family members.' Junpei didn't know much about the intricacies of the law, but he'd heard about this one on the news when a mother lied to cover up her son's financial crimes. 

'We could get married,' said Aoi. 

There was a pause in which Junpei wondered if Aoi really wanted to get married. He hadn't thought Aoi was the marrying sort, but Aoi was also consistent in his inconsistencies. 

'I don't think she'd want to implicate you any further.' 

Junpei let out a rush of breath. 'Kinda late for that, isn't it?' 

'Fair enough.' Aoi dropped his half-eaten toast back on his plate. 'I shouldn't be here.'

'That's not what I--'

'Where are we going, Junpei?' 

He didn't know. Junpei hadn't known where he was going even before the kidnapping; he'd just been drifting along with the rest of his peers, looking forward to a nebulous future they were supposed to aim for. A good job, a kind wife, cute children. Everyone wanted those things, or at least were expected to, and he hadn't been entirely opposed to the idea. 

He'd be lying if he said he hadn't thought of a future with Akane. Back in Building Q, there were moments when he thought she'd returned his interest; perhaps they could have renewed their friendship once the Nonary Game was over and maybe even start dating. But if that wasn't on the table, if she cared for him only as a friend, he just wanted her to be _alive_; to meet her occasionally after work and exchange stories about their boring desk jobs. Hell, he just wanted to listen to her conspiracy theories and strange facts, to see her face light up while telling him about alien life forms. 

But she wasn't. And here he was. 

'I--'

'Junpei.' Aoi had moved to stand behind him, his hands on Junpei's shoulders. 'You're gonna be late.' 

Junpei checked his watch--the expensive one Aoi had given him--and swore. He didn't want to go to work, wanted instead to go somewhere far away, start over, become someone else. A prospect no less nebulous than the path he was on right now, but in his mind's eye he could see himself walking along the beach, feeling the wind tug at his jacket, the sting of the sunlight making his eyes water. 

And Aoi: complaining and irritable and kicking sand into Junpei's shoes. 

Junpei had already opened the front door, but he turned back to see Aoi standing at the genkan to see him off. 

'Don't go,' he said, grabbing Aoi's hands. 'Not without me.'

Aoi's eyes widened; ghost of a smile passing over his lips as he tried to pull away, but Junpei held on. He didn't let go until Aoi finally nodded. 

'Don't get fired the first fucking month,' said Aoi. He might have said more, but Junpei had pulled him close for a kiss and hurried out of the flat before Aoi could insult his entire being.

*

Lunch was Junpei's favourite part of the workday. He didn't go out to restaurants or diners like some of his workmates. He ate his packed lunch at his desk instead; the bento Aoi made tasted better than anything he could afford at a restaurant anyway. In fact, his lunch looked good enough some of his workmates had taken notice.

'Man, I wish I had a girlfriend who made me packed lunches too,' said Yamada, who occupied the desk next to Junpei's.

Junpei slid his bento box slightly away from Yamada, who was trying not to be obvious about scoping Junpei's yakisoba. 'I'm sure you would.' 

'How long have you two been together?' Yamada pushed his chair closer to Junpei's. 'Aoi-chan, was it?' 

Junpei tried not to laugh at 'Aoi-chan'. There was a sizable number of young people in the Marketing department, people in their twenties who were mostly single and looking for a good time. Junpei didn't mind going out with them after work for drinking parties or group dates, but he had no interest in hooking up with anyone and had mentioned Aoi the first chance he got. Aoi was, after all, a name given to both boys and girls; all Junpei had to do was drop hints and let people make their own assumptions. 

Aoi found the whole thing hilarious when Junpei had told him about it. He'd said Junpei was getting ahead of himself, but didn't seem to mind being used as a shield against casual sex--which to be fair was also what they were having, but Aoi was the devil Junpei knew and that devil was pretty good in bed. 

'You should probably start with showing interest in girls who are actually single,' said Junpei. Yamada was well known in the office to have a thing for married women. 

'Is that why you won't show me photos of Aoi-chan?' Yamada laughed. 'Scared I'll steal her from you?' 

'You won't,' said Junpei. Not unless Yamada went for guys too. 'And I don't have any photos of Aoi.' 

That was a lie, Junpei had a ton of photos on his phone: Aoi sleeping in weird positions, funny expressions (when he was annoyed he did a thing with his face that made him look like an affronted cat, which Junpei thought was cute), and a shitload of Aoi posing with food because that's what cameras were for. 

Yamada must have sensed what Junpei was thinking because he said, 'Liar. But if it's all erotic pics I can't say I blame you.' 

'Is that all you ever think about?' 

'What else is there?' Yamada lowered his voice. 'We're going to settle down and spend the rest of our lives bent over our desks--or at least until we get too old and realise we don't really have a life outside of work. Why not have some fun while we're young?' 

Junpei had nothing to say to that, but he thought about what Yamada had said on the way back home--an hour of commute from the office, which wasn't too bad, except for the times when panic kicked in as he stood squished and gasping for breath in the crowded train. Aoi had been eyeing flats closer to Junpei's office, but neither of them thought the half-hour cut from Junpei's travel time was worth the rent, so he made do. Aoi had told him to call or send a Line if Junpei wanted him to cab it and pick him up, but Junpei hoped he'd never have to. Aoi could pick him up any time, but there was nothing enjoyable about losing it in public. 

If Yamada was right--which he was--this was going to be the rest of Junpei's life. 

'I'm home.' He toed his shoes off, considered leaving them where they landed, and decided he didn't want another lecture about being a responsible adult. 

'Welcome back.' Aoi was in the kitchen as expected, stirring what smelled like curry in a pot. 'Bath's ready.' 

Junpei placed his bag on the counter and opened the fridge door. 

'Get some food in your stomach before you go drinking,' said Aoi, without turning around. 

Junpei stuck his tongue out at Aoi's back. 'How do you do that?' 

'I'm an esper,' said Aoi, turning off the stove. 

'Sure,' said Junpei. There were five cans of beer in the fridge, but he was sure there had been six of them when he'd checked last night. 'I may not be an esper, but I can tell you've already started without me.'

Aoi laughed. 'But you are.'

'What do you mean?' 

'Don't play dumb.’

*

Junpei blinked. He could see someone else standing before him--no, it was still Santa, but a Santa who was wearing an apron and had his hair down. The expression on his face wasn't quite as stern and there was a teasing quality to his smile. Junpei found himself taking a step forward, his hand reaching out: to make sure the person in front of him was real or simply to hold him, to pull Aoi close--

Santa’s eyes widened. Junpei’s fingers were a few inches away from his shoulder and he looked at them as if they belonged to a beckoning ghost hand[ 2 ]. 

‘You know things you shouldn’t--_couldn’t_ know,’ Santa said, sounding less sure of himself. Then he met Junpei's eyes and added, 'What the fuck--'

*

‘--was that?’ said Junpei. Unlike that other Junpei, he felt no compunction about holding Aoi and was practically draped all over the guy as Aoi tried to keep him from falling down and cracking his head open against any and all hard surfaces of the kitchen.

Right. He was in the kitchen of the flat he shared with Aoi, not the incinerator in Building Q. He held on to Aoi’s waist and tried to find his bearings. ‘You weren’t kidding.’ 

‘Nope,’ said Aoi. ‘What did you see?’

Junpei told him, describing the scene as best as he could even though the memory was fading quickly, like dreams did upon waking. 

'Lucky bastards,' said Aoi, as he rubbed Junpei's back. 'They're in the timeline where the plan worked.' 

'Was that real?' Junpei finally pulled away from Aoi so he could look at Aoi's face, but also Aoi had started nibbling at his ear and it was getting distracting. 

'Hmm,' said Aoi. 'Intrusive transmission, probably.'

'And what does that mean?'

'Your guess is as good as mine.' Aoi sighed. 'Go take a bath before the water gets tepid. We can talk later.'

*

Across the world, people who could access the morphogenetic field began to receive a barrage of information from timelines they would never live.

One by one they started to sleep.

*

He was looking for Akane. In a strange place where everything was a superlative--too big, too stark, too neon-lit--and the winds tasted dry as sand, he listened and coerced and hacked his way into finding leads on her whereabouts. He liked to think he was getting close, but first he had to take a detour.

In his search he'd heard people mention a man with silver hair who haunted bars and drank expensive whiskey. A guy who'd somehow avoided getting mugged or killed despite smelling of money and walking the streets alone at night while three sheets to the wind. 

Junpei found Aoi sitting at the counter of the bar mentioned by one of his contacts (Graham, a graffiti artist whose face Junpei had never seen). He was looking at his glass of whiskey as if it would reveal to him the secrets of the world. 

'Here,' said Junpei, handing Aoi a box of Morinaga's caramel.

Aoi didn't like caramel. 

Junpei frowned, wondering if that was something Aoi had told him. Santa hadn't mentioned sweets in Building Q and Junpei was sure there'd been no talk of caramel when Aoi had dropped by his motel room just a few weeks earlier. Maybe he knew from when he was resonating with Akane.

He had to half-drag Aoi back to his hotel room. When Aoi kissed him, the pressure of his lips against Junpei's felt familiar and strangely comforting. 

Junpei kissed him back.

*

The electronic voice began counting down over the PA system and they waited. Akane turned to face Junpei, giving him a nod and a smile.

He smiled at her in return and because the bunker was going to blow up around them in a few seconds, he reached out for her hand--something he wouldn't have done in front of everyone, not to Carlos's approving smile or Phi's gimlet eye, but they had eight seconds left. Akane's grip was strong and sure, and Junpei felt at ease. 

Everything turned white.

*

She was lying face down on the floor of the AB room and before Phi grabbed her shoulder to turn her around he'd hoped it wasn't her, hoped the weight that had dropped at the pit of his stomach was no more than dismay at the thought of seeing another corpse, familiar sight after the Fall, just another stranger he couldn't help but mourn.

She hadn't changed much after four decades and more; wrinkles making her face look softer, features slack without the warmth and curiosity that made her glow. 

Junpei looked away. He could feel the tingling of despair wash over his body, a wave that left nothing behind and he might as well be a husk that would crumble at a touch. 

'Hey Tenmyouji,' said Sigma. 'We could use some help.' 

He didn't want to touch her, to feel the familiar cold brittleness of her, when she wasn't there anymore. To do so meant she was real, that this was real and not another nightmare. 

This was a nightmare.

*

And he woke up.

Aoi was sitting with his back against the headboard. The room was dark and Junpei could only see the general shape of Aoi next to him, so he felt more than saw Aoi move, heard him swallow as he drank something. From the smell of it, Junpei guessed Aoi was drinking beer and this wasn't his first can. 

'Hey,' said Junpei.

'You're awake.' 

Junpei nodded, although he wasn't sure Aoi would see the gesture. He sat up as well, sliding across the bed so he could lean against Aoi. 'What did you see?' 

Aoi let out a rush of breath and Junpei thought he was going to pull away, but he didn't. Junpei could feel the tension in Aoi's shoulders, his body like a rubber band that was stretched to breaking point. 

'I'm gonna turn the lights on,' said Junpei. He waited for Aoi's grunt of approval before getting out of bed. 'And fetch some more beer.'

'You've got work tomorrow.'

Junpei closed his eyes before flipping the light switch and he took his time squinting and blinking and letting his eyes adjust to the brightness. 'I can always nap at lunchtime.' 

He wanted to turn around and check if Aoi was okay, but the guy had been drinking by himself in the dark: he obviously wanted neither concern nor company. 

Unfortunately for him, there wasn't a lot Junpei could do on both counts, but he reckoned he could drink his beer in the kitchen and give Aoi time to regroup. He padded out of their room, switching lights on as he went, and grabbed a can of beer from the fridge. 

The air felt cool on his skin; impersonal and distant compared to air conditioning units, a coldness that wasn't intended for human bodies. There was comfort in it, along with the gentle hum of the fridge that kept the silence of fruits, vegetables, and plastic containers company. Junpei kept the door open, keeping the darkness at bay, fridge light blinking out to leave the aluminium beer cans dull and shineless, to obscure the produce being kept fresh in a suspension of rot and death. 

'Look at us.'

Aoi was leaning against the kitchen door, but he moved closer when Junpei looked up from his contemplation of the fridge, close enough that Junpei could smell his breath and sweat and sadness. Aoi's eyes were red and unfocused as he pointed a finger like a gun at Junpei's face. 'Did you know you've been standing there for five minutes?' 

'Was I?' 

Aoi settled on the kitchen floor and grabbed the beer from Junpei's hand. 'The food'll be fine.' When Junpei gave him a blank look, he added, 'You were watching over them like a protective ancestor.' 

Junpei laughed, the tightness in his own muscles released--slowly, by a fraction, but released--and he took another beer from the fridge before finally closing the door. Aoi was pulling at his leg hair, tiny pinpricks of pain until he joined Aoi on the floor. 

'Do you wanna talk about it?' said Junpei. 

Aoi ran his tongue across his teeth; Junpei could see his upper lip bulge out as Aoi got his thoughts sorted out. 'Not really.' 

Junpei considered other topics for conversation. 'The various merits of Megaten routes?' 

'That's more like it.' Aoi laughed, sliding closer to Junpei so Junpei was bearing most of his weight. 'Devil Survivor did it best.' 

'Bring out the big guns, why don't you.' Junpei pulled the tab from his beer can and started drinking. Aoi had gotten a headstart on the alcohol, but Junpei didn't want to get left behind. 'It won't work for the other games. Besides, law versus chaos is still better than good versus evil.' 

Aoi snorted, took a swig of beer, and set about countering all of Junpei's arguments. They were both nodding off after two more cans each, Aoi warm and pliable in Junpei's arms, soft in a way he usually doesn't allow himself to be. He kept moaning about drinking water so Junpei made sure both of them were hydrated before dragging Aoi back to bed, kissing him on the cheek and again on the mouth for good measure, holding him close as they both drifted off to sleep.

*

They booked a room at a ryokan in Nikko for the weekend. The place was known for its hot springs and wasn't far from Tokyo; Junpei could do with some relaxation after working on a few hours of sleep for several days in a row.

'This place has been around for more than two centuries.' Aoi gave their room a once-over as soon as they got in, peering curiously at the alcove. There was a cloth wall scroll and a vase with dried ferns set in the narrow space--nothing too fancy but they did give the place a homier feel. 

Junpei placed their bags next to the futon closet and walked past Aoi to the engawa. The veranda was a cosy little area just behind the shoji, barely big enough for the chairs and tea table the staff had set there. Junpei had to push one of the chairs back so he could stand in front of the sheet glass that protected the shoji and the rest of the room from harsh weather. 

The view wasn't anything to write home about; some trees and the rest of the building, which was unfortunately rather bland, but he'd seen photos of the hot springs on the website when Aoi had booked their room and was at least sure there were more things to see from the outdoor baths. 

'Do you wanna go to the baths now?' said Junpei. 

'What do people usually do?' Aoi had joined him in the engawa. He gave the view a passing glance, but obviously thought the springiness of the chair's cushions more important as he sat down and made himself comfortable. 

'Whatever they want.' Knowing what he did about Aoi, Junpei reckoned Aoi hadn't had a lot of chances to go on trips with his family or friends. He was older than Junpei by three years, but their experiences were so different they might as well have been a decade apart. 

'We'd never gone on trips together when we were kids,' said Aoi. 

'What about America?' 

'I don't know.'

The flatness in Aoi's voice made Junpei turn away from his exciting view of a wall with windows so he could look at Aoi. He was leaning back in his chair, face upturned and his eyes closed. 

'Aoi?' 

'I don't know what I remember.' Aoi took a deep breath and added, 'The timeline collapsed and my memories got all fucked up.'

The cat was only both alive and dead _before_ the box was opened, but almost two years had passed since the second Nonary Game. Junpei was surprised Aoi could even remember there was a timeline where his sister survived. 

'So that's why you're here,' said Junpei. 

Aoi opened his eyes so he could look at Junpei. 'Hm?' 

'After you returned me to my flat,' said Junpei, 'I asked you why you stayed. You said you wanted to get in bed with me.' 

'I did.' Aoi smiled. 'Didn't I?' 

They'd been living together too long for embarrassment; Junpei just laughed. 'I remind you of the other timeline.'

Aoi beckoned him closer, so Junpei sat on the tea table in front of Aoi's chair. It wasn't so much a chabudai as a block of wood with a board on top and he was pretty sure it would bear his weight, but he was glad his mother would never know he was sitting on top of tables. 

'Partly,' said Aoi. 'Remembering the Nonary Game is easier with you around.' He paused, looking at the table as if to judge its sturdiness, and placed his legs on Junpei's lap. 'Neither of us would be here otherwise, don't you think?' 

'And here I thought it was my charms.' Junpei traced an imaginary line down Aoi's calf. They hadn't changed out of their clothes yet and Junpei wished he'd insisted they wore the ryokan's yukata as soon as they got to their room. 

Aoi laughed. 'That's an omake,' he said. 

Aoi had once made Junpei get up at an unholy time of the night so he could be one of the first one hundred people to get a special figure with his manga purchase at Animate. Junpei had no problem being considered an omake. 

'Do you still want me to stay?' said Aoi. 

'I don't see why not.' Junpei smiled. 'You're paying for this trip.' 

Aoi laughed, kicking dangerously close to Junpei's crotch. 'You just want me for my money, don't you?' 

'Untrue,' said Junpei, grabbing Aoi's ankle and tickling the underside of his foot. 'I'm also here for the housewife-tier meals.' 

Aoi was turning red from pretending he wasn't ticklish, but Junpei held on tight so he could kiss the bridge of Aoi's foot. 

'Stop that.' 

'Let's head for the baths,' said Junpei. He ducked before Aoi could kick him in the face. 'Your foot st--' 

Aoi eyes narrowed and Junpei decided one unfunny joke wasn't worth sleeping alone on his futon later. 

'I would let you step on my face,' he said instead. 'You smell great.'

'Of course I do.' Aoi stood up and stretched, revealing a pale stretch of skin between his shirt and tracksuit bottoms. 'I smell like paying for the whole trip, don't I?'

*

Like many young men, Junpei had at one point or other dreamed of a lover washing his back, engaging in small talk or humming a little song as they pressed a wet cloth softly against his skin. He did not imagine a sauna-type scrubbing that made him feel like he'd lost a layer of skin and the (familiar) cutting critique of his hygiene.

'I won't die if my skin is a bit dry,' said Junpei, cutting off Aoi's diatribe about serum and lotions. 'And I hate feeling sticky.' 

Aoi leaned closer so he was whispering at Junpei's ear, 'You say that and you still come on my face--' 

'It was an _accident_,' said Junpei, trying to keep his voice down. He wouldn't say he was great in bed--and there wasn't enough sample of people who can rate his performance anyway--but his control wasn't bad. He'd never had to worry about coming too soon, not when he could be thinking of the Fibonacci sequence instead. 'You caught me off guard, is all. And that man can hear every word we're saying.' 

He pointed with his chin in the direction of the old man, who was sitting a few feet away and pouring water down his own back. 

'No he can't,' said Aoi, after a moment of glaring at the unsuspecting stranger. 'Now do me.' 

Junpei rolled his eyes. 'You're doing it on purpose, aren't you?' 

Aoi laughed silently and something about the unguarded joy in his face, the way he looked down as if he actually felt shame about laughing at his own joke, made Junpei give the poor old man a glare of his own before pulling Aoi in for a kiss. 

'Idiot,' said Aoi, flicking a finger at Junpei's forehead. 'That old man can fucking see everything we're doing.' 

'Yeah, but he's not looking.' Junpei picked up Aoi's wash cloth and started scrubbing at Aoi's back. The guy was so pale a few strokes turned his skin an angry pink. 'Dude, you're just like a lobster.'

'_Dude_.' Aoi dug an elbow at Junpei's side and Junpei had to stop nibbling at Aoi's shoulder to avoid his sharp bones. 'We're outside, what the fuck.' 

'You started it,' said Junpei, grabbing Aoi's wrists to stop him from pinching Junpei's inner thigh. 'And I'm hungry.' 

'We can have lobster later,' said Aoi. 'But we're doing the whole kaiseki deal tonight.' 

'Can't wait,' said Junpei, looking in the old man's direction again. He was giving them a baleful glare, more sad than angry that two boys had started roughhousing in his place of relaxation. 'And I think our new friend can't wait to see us go.' 

There was a group of salarymen soaking in the hot springs and talking loudly about baseball when Junpei and Aoi arrived. Junpei could sense Aoi tense like a cat spotting prey when they heard one of the salarymen mention the Yomiuri Giants. 

'If you start arguing with those old men, you'll be sleeping alone tonight, Kurashiki,' said Junpei. 

Aoi snorted but kept his mouth shut as he followed Junpei to the far side of the pool. Junpei sighed as he sat down; he hadn't noticed how tense his shoulder muscles were until he'd sank up to his neck in warm water and felt as if he'd taken a step in the general direction of enlightenment. 

'I could stay here forever,' said Junpei, moving to rest his head on Aoi's shoulder before remembering they were in public. He backed away, wondering if they should have gone to a private onsen instead. 

'You'll get cooked,' said Aoi. 'Like a lobster.' 

'Stop reminding me,' said Junpei. 'I've been ready for dinner since we got here.' 

'Did you know lobsters are almost immortal?' 

There were moments that reminded Junpei the Kurashikis were related--not that he ever forgot, but most of the time it was an abstract fact that remained at the back of his mind. Then he'd notice a gesture: the way Aoi bit his lip whenever he was deep in thought or the light in his eyes as he talked about nearly immortal lobsters, and the realisation would drop, hot and heavy in Junpei's chest, until the illusion got broken and Aoi was just Aoi again, at once familiar and strange and contrary. 

'What about lobsters?' 

'They have this enzyme called telomerase that probably prevents senescence--' 

'Japanese is fine[ 3 ],' said Junpei. 

Aoi laughed. 'There's this thing called telomeres at the end of chromosomes that protect DNA information, and they get shorter with each cell division until there's none left. They say that's what causes aging.' 

'So, like entropy?' said Junpei, who was only half following. 'And lobsters have an enzyme that prevents this?'

'Yeah,' said Aoi. 'I guess you can say they _almost_ escaped entropy.' 

The excitement in Aoi's voice didn't bode well for the lobsters. Junpei tilted his head to one side. 'Almost?'

'Well, their cells are fine, but moulting takes a lot of energy for lobsters. And the older and bigger they get, the greater the energy they need to moult.' 

Junpei made a face. 'You mean to tell me they get crushed inside their own exoskeletons?' 

'Well sometimes their shells get damaged.' Aoi waved a hand, splashing water at Junpei's face. 'Shit happens. Like I said, they're almost immortal.' 

Junpei frowned at Aoi. 'I won't like why you brought this up.'

'I think the visions from other timelines are a sign that this one is deteriorating,' said Aoi. 'You've seen them in the news, right? The sleeping people.' 

The media called it the Reverie Syndrome; people from all over the world falling into deep slumber for no medical or scientific reason. Junpei hadn't thought it might be connected to the visions. 

'Other histories are bleeding into ours,' said Aoi. 'And those people are shutting down because they can't control or process the barrage of information they're receiving from the morphic fieldset.' 

'Entropy, huh,' said Junpei. He laughed and felt for Aoi's hand under the water. 'Would you get crushed inside this exoskeleton with me?' 

'Why, Junpei.' Aoi grinned. 'I thought you'd never ask.'

*

Realities didn't die easily, if at all. A history made unstable by her absence would still continue until it hit a point of unresolvable paradox.

Had her plans succeeded, she and her brother were supposed to drive away from Building Q before the others could solve the final puzzle and catch up. There were so many things she had yet to do, a favour she owed the universe in exchange for her continued existence, and she'd be lying if she denied feeling some resentment. While Junpei and her brother longed for a different version of themselves--their dangerous lives in other histories that were far removed from the petty worries of paying bills and crowded trains--she found comfort in mundanity. 

In other histories, she could see Junpei and Aoi suffer and die countless deaths. But not in this one. She wanted them to have this.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1  
BL novel by Aida Saki, about two men who meet in prison. Not my kind of jam, but I do like the illustrations.  
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> 
> 2  
[Floating ghost hand](https://hyakumonogatari.com/2013/10/18/manekute-no-yurei-the-inviting-ghost-hand/). Pretty mild compared to some Japanese ghosts tbh.  
[ return to text ]
> 
> 3  
日本語はおk. You've seen the meme. If you've played Steins;Gate you know where it came from. (It's from a forum where an anon who claims to be Ultraman promises to answer everyone's questions. Another anon asks something in the ... Ultraman language, to which they replied 'Japanese is ok'. The usage is slightly different depending on where you are, as it also became a meme worldwide.)  
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	5. おまけ

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for getting this far!
> 
> Thank you Jinger for the beta and the nice words ;;; And to all the people who also read and left comments: thank you for joining me in my 2020 AoiPei party lmaaaaoo. ♥ ♥ ♥

Junpei took note of the time on his phone before answering the call from his mother, turning to his other side so he wasn't talking at Aoi's sleeping face. Behind him, he heard Aoi huff but he didn't seem to have woken up. Lucky him. 

'Mum, it's ten minutes past seven,' Junpei said, letting his voice rise to a full whine at the end of the sentence. 

'Seven in the morning is not early,' his mum said. She sounded normal enough--perhaps a bit breathless, but she wouldn't be quibbling about the time of day if there was an emergency. Junpei reckoned this was a 'there's a big sale at the supermarket' instead of 'one of our relatives is in the hospital' kind of breathless. 

'It's the weekend.' 

'I know you wake up earlier to go to your horse races.' 

Junpei grunted; he didn't remember horse races ever coming up in his conversations with his mother. Aoi must have told her--which confirmed Junpei's suspicion that his mum knew more about his habits than she was letting on. 'Why did you call me, then?' he said. 

'No need to sound so worried.' His mum laughed. 'Everyone's fine. Your father is thinking of learning how to bake, can you imagine? I think he's worried about being bored silly after his retirement.' 

'Mum.' 

'I heard on the news that same-sex partnerships are now legal in all prefectures.' 

Junpei had heard of this--he hadn't been paying particular attention, but the bill had been loudly criticised by conservatives and had caused many debates in the National Diet since he was a child; it was hard to ignore even by the most unaffected. 'Oh?'

'You've been living with Aoi for almost a decade now, haven't you?' 

'Hm,' said Junpei. To his mother's credit, she'd never pressured him about starting a family and presenting her with grandchildren. He was a year shy of thirty and this was the first time she'd mentioned marriage. Junpei turned again so he was lying on his back, scratching his stomach as he considered what to say. 'We've never talked about it.' 

'I don't see why you shouldn't consider it.' 

She was still talking, but Junpei cut her off, 'I might get some time off next month. We'll drop by when we can.'

Sufficiently distracted from the topic of Junpei's marital status, his mum started planning an email she needed to send Aoi regarding pastries she wanted him to get. Junpei listened to her for a few more minutes before making excuses about getting breakfast ready. 

'You never make breakfast,' said Aoi, as Junpei tapped on his screen to end the call.

'How long have you been awake?' 

Aoi shrugged. 'Long enough. What's up?' 

'Nothing,' said Junpei. Aoi didn't push, but he did keep looking at Junpei until he said, 'She wanted to talk about same-sex partnerships.' 

'Did they finally approve the bill?' Aoi's eyes had the calculating gleam in them that usually meant the stock market was doing well or a big supermarket sale--which was the second time that morning Junpei made the comparison, but Aoi _did_ have the tendency to act like a housewife. Junpei reckoned he got that from taking care of his sister at a very young age. 

'Looks like it.' Junpei had expected Aoi to scoff at the whole thing, but he might have underestimated Aoi's business-minded ways. 'Have you been following the news?'

'Fuck yeah,' said Aoi, reaching past Junpei so he could grab his phone from the bedside table. 'The bill gives legal weight to same-sex partnerships, which means better benefits than what you can get from those certificates they're giving out.' 

'Benefits?' said Junpei. 

'Well, they might have to revisit existing adoption laws,' said Aoi. 'But otherwise, it's on par with the legal benefits of being married.' 

'I didn't think you're the marrying type.'

'I'm not.' Aoi looked up from his phone--he was alternating between news sites and his twitter feed--and met Junpei's eyes. 'But you don't expect shit from me. That's why it's fine.' 

'What--' Junpei cut himself off and laughed. 'Has anyone ever told you you're like a cat?'

'You do.' Aoi rolled his eyes. 'All the damn time.' 

'Hm.' Junpei slid close to Aoi and buried his face in the crook of Aoi's neck. 'You know what that means, right?' 

He wondered if Aoi had spent too much time overseas and had forgotten how the civil registration system worked in Japan. 

'What do you mean?' said Aoi. 

'Certificates aren't legally binding, but this new same-sex partnership is.' Junpei moved slightly so his voice wasn't muffled against Aoi's neck. 'That means it has to be recorded in the family register.' 

He could almost feel Aoi freeze. 

'You've given this a lot of thought haven't you?' said Aoi. He waited for Junpei's grunt of agreement before adding, 'Is that why you were so vague with auntie earlier?' 

'You want to start a new register, don't you?' said Junpei. 

'Well, yes--'

'Well, we're going to have to tell my mum that.' Junpei sat up, propping his weight on his elbow so he could look at Aoi. 

Aoi was more than welcome in the Tenmyouji household, but he was also the only remaining Kurashiki from his immediate family. Choosing to start over made sense and Junpei himself didn't mind, but his parents might not be thrilled about their only son jumping into a different family register when they had a perfectly good one at home. 

'I think I need to get auntie a wholeass cake aside from those pastries,' said Aoi. 

'A wholeass cake,' said Junpei. 'How extravagant! Aren't you overvaluing me a bit?' 

Aoi laughed, wrapping his arms around Junpei's shoulders. 'Okay, maybe two cakes.' 

'Now that's just plain indulgence,' said Junpei, leaning down to kiss Aoi.

*

The future was uncertain, but that was true no matter what history they lived in. Junpei drank his tea and watched Aoi grill fish early on a weekend morning.

Everything was going to be all right.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They're talking about 戸籍 (koseki) or family register. Japan legalising gay marriage the year Junpei turned 30 is ofc purely fictional, but people lobbying for it are not. Who knows, it might happen before 2036 ;D
> 
> Also for some reason chapter 4 posted twice. Uhh sorry about that! I'm pretty sure no one noticed, but. :"D


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